Tuesday, 1 May 2012

We Could've Been Anything That We Wanted To Be

Oh yes, based on the Bugsy Malone song.  What a champ.

I've always been one of those people who want to be exceptional.  Always wanted to stand out from the crowd as pretty, as good at what I do, as someone you want to be around.  This is why I think I need to have a few goals.

1. Run again.  And not in that half arsed way of before.  Properly.  This means three times a week, minimum, no matter of the weather and no matter of what excuses I can come up with.  The goal of running will be to get to the place my Dad and I marked out comfortably; then vary the speed (sprint from one lamppost to another, then jog as slowly as I can to the next one, etc); then talk to Dad about what to do next.  The only problem is the hills and lack of footpaths in a lot of places, but I'm not here for much longer, and when I'm in Ireland there's fuck all around so it'll be easy to have a wee jog around the town either at 5am or 9pm.  It depends.

2. Push myself with riding.  Get more lessons on horses like Mac and get Shelley to teach me because I am fully aware of how good for me she is.  Last time I rode him, it was possible to see the difference; from the horse who would pull against me and not trust me, into a beautiful animal working through himself and round as anything.  It was a rewarding experience.  I want to be able to figure horses out, at least better than I can, by the time I get to Ireland because I will want to impress people there.  If I don't think that I'm one of the best people there (or rather, if they don't), I won't be as happy as I could be.  And why would I want that?

3. Don't drink if I don't want to.  Example: tomorrow I'm going for a meal and then out with Becca and Alice. I don't want to go out. I've spent a fortune this weekend and it's not like me and it's not what I want to do.  To be fair, I've loved this weekend, but if I am going to go on an adventure instead of to the May Ball, I'll want to be able to afford it, as it could easily be expensive.  So tomorrow, I'll probably leave early and I won't drink much.  The good thing about being with people who are drinking a lot at the moment is that it's very easy to act like I'm drunker than I am.  I don't like the feeling the next day.  I don't like finding out what I've done; I don't like ending up feeling like the whole night wasn't worth it. That's what was so good about this weekend: I went out and had an amazing time with someone I don't spend that much time with and that was brilliant.  So brilliant that feeling like shit the next day, and having to have a tactical before leaving the house, felt justified.  I think I'll basically stop going out unless I actually want to: I'll be more like Nick, in that regard.  Even if you're organised to go out, if you don't feel like it, then why bother?  It's just a waste of money on a night which could easily just be shit.

4. Look, think and be happier.  I like being happy.  I have nothing to complain about in my life, either, so it's brilliant being able to just chill out and be happy.  Because of that, I guess I won't be too bothered about people if they're distancing themselves from me.  If people don't want me to know about them, then I won't ask.  There's no point in me worrying about people I have no control over, and who won't worry about me in return unless it's because I'm wearing short shorts and am out with a male friend.

5. Be everything that I want to be.
The only thing in my way is me.
And that, readers, goes for everyone; I can't imagine much that people genuinely can't get around to further themselves and their lives.
Get on it.

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