Thursday, 22 March 2012
It's 2am and I should be in bed because I'm tired. I'm just enjoying this moment; I'm so calm. It's lovely. I just got most of the little things that have been getting to me off my chest, talking to my best friend, and now I feel at peace, pretty much. I would just really like my Viking to get home now, so that I can have one hell of a cuddle. <3
He's a hypocrite (but he told me that ages ago, hah). He's a workaholic and he always will be. But he dreams big and does things so that he can say that he's done them.. and that's something that I want to do, and am doing, thanks to him. He makes me happy. He makes me smile. He makes my heart skip. He gives me that look, that one which says 'I hope you're okay', or something else, and it makes me go weak at the knees, so to speak. He won't put me first, but he does make exceptions for me. And maybe that'll teach me to chill out, man up and live for myself. I miss him less than I used to. But that was always going to happen. And I'm still happy to see him.. And still I sleep easier with him there.
I'm not trying out of the ordinary. He supports me. He pushes me to do what I should, like he did with calling Eva Maria. He just made me smile by liking something that I did, on Facebook (LAME). A text from him makes me smile. He calls me "little one", and I love it. Him asking how my day was makes it, half the time. When my dad left and I was in a state, he said that I could just cry; that he was there "to get soggy shoulders". He holds me close. I think he's hot. He turns me on. Less than previously, but only in frequency, because that's him. And to be honest that's a good thing. It can help me realise that I'm as beautiful as he seems to think whether or not sex is involved. I trust him completely. We fit in around each other. It's effortless. It's lovely.
Monday, 19 March 2012
Sunday, 18 March 2012
A slight side step of these photographs for me to let loose some of the things that I've been thinking all day.
It begins with appreciation. I've had the best family in the world. Although they've had hard times and bad days, they've always been there for me and for that I am eternally grateful. However, I don't think I'm grateful enough. I was thinking today of Norman. What would happen if - when - he dies? I can't imagine how I'll feel but I know that it'll be so much worse than I expected. For all of my life, the minimum holiday we've had has been to Ireland, to see Norman and Nana. They've given us clothes and, when preparing for uni, all of the crockery and cutlery I have. Norman's taught me loads; he has so many anecdotes and stories he's a fascinating person to listen to, even if that's just to analyse him.
My dad hates him. I hate his driving. But fuck, I would miss him.
I spend all this time ignoring or underappreciating people like Norman and instead spending all of my time craving attention and approval from men, who frankly I should be strong enough to not need. It just seems to be that I'm not that strong. Oli was right. That, or I believed him.
I want to feel like I'm number one. Like there's something I'm the best at or someone I'm the most important to.
But that's another story.
Photo = one of the first I ever took of Aber. I was very busy falling in love with the place.
I'll Be Running Circles Around You Sooner Than You Know
& YOU JERK IT OUT
My moods are so retarded today; i've been down, lonely, fine, homesick, and god knows what else. The lonely one is pretty much maintained, even though I know I'm not. I'm being clingy to my Viking and want to keep texting him, but that would be lame. He tells me that I shouldn't try to stop texting him or not text him because I think it's clingy, but tbh, I always will. It's lame to miss him, let's be honest; I saw him at 8.30 this morning. Goddamn, this is the problem with feeling so strongly about someone!
Went out last night for Paddy's day which was a pretty alright night (considering that it was union, quiet and cheap because they knew no one would go). It was nice to spend time with H's housemates, especially Ailsa. She's laavly.
Oh shit, I'm late for yards. Bye guys <3
Monday, 12 March 2012
I'm stressed about my housing at the moment and for next year.
My mum's getting back together with Dave.
My best friends are definitely not happy, and neither are telling me everything.
I feel a bit weighed down, tbh.
On the good side: we've reported the flat; we're seeing the accommodation people soon; and everything in the garden is rosy.
I just feel a bit stressed.
It'll all be ok, of course it will, I would just like things to slow down a bit.
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
From my first show in about 5 years, in which I came second in the 2'3"... Boom!! Hannah, yard manager, offered for me to do the 2'6" and 2'9" in the more serious show at the end of the month too... how amazing!
Henrik, Alice and Sam came along to support me which was amazing. Becca would have been there, but she was ill bless her. It was a great day, especially because I got to spend ages afterwards with my man. I spent a lot of Sunday and Monday with him too, which was pretty amazing, especially because now we both have a lot of deadlines coming up so we probably won't be able to see each other too much.. Like last night, it wasn't until midnight that we met up.. Bum.
I'm still enjoying this course though, overall.. There's a lot of work and basically all the deadlines are this month, but such is life... I can do it.
Speaking of which; I'm gonna go do it.
Bye beautifuls <3