Thursday, 23 May 2013

What a change.

From spending all of my time, waking and not, with him, to spending none of it with him. This feels weird.

Especially given what's happened this week... I feel like he was helping me hold my chin up and get on with it, so now I'm finding it much harder. I don't really feel like there are many people to talk to about this because I don't want everyone knowing. I don't want people to say "what an attention seeker; there's no real reason why this would effect her".

I guess everything's piled up, really. All of this semester, which has actually been pretty tough given what other people have been doing... I don't know why everything feels much harder, but goddamn, I want to go home. I just don't want to be here any more. And I can't even escape alone to my horse because I don't have a way of getting there... It's gotta be with other people, whenever's best for them.

I also don't feel like I can tell him this. I think he'd say I'm just moaning. I also think I might just be being paranoid, but I don't want to moan at him. I think he's having a fine time at home so I don't want to complain about nothing at him, there's no fucking reason. It's a waste of time for both of us.

I'm pretty sure I should stop moaning about not wanting to moan now.. It's irritating me, so I can't imagine what it's doing to you.

Don't worry, I'll be bouncing around again soon enough.