Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Photo Thirty Nine

I think I look fuunny heeereeee o:

So last night I wasn't happy.  At all.  At like..4am everything got on top of me.  Unfortunately, there isn't really an "everything" to speak of.  I think that a lot of my life is changing, and I'm finding it kinda hard to deal with, because, well, I'm like that.  So first I'd like to apologise to my Viking as I've been kinda crap and very clingy along with this.  Fortunately not for long.  Now I just can't wait to see you tonight and remind you that I'm pretty alright; or something.  Sometimes I feel like I make you forget.

It's just not that bad.
Even when you feel at your wit's end and there's no one to talk to, there's always someone.  Even if it's someone from Samaritans.

I've never had the worst problems in the world (shall we say).  I've had times when I've been down, who the hell hasn't?  I just tend to feel the way that people around me feel.  And if, at times like these, I don't have people around me much, I find it quite difficult because I just don't know what I should really be doing.  I'm like my mum, apparently; she wants people to be around all the time, too.

I think I'm trying too much to be everything, to the extent where I'm kinda forgetting who I actually am.   I can't say I fully know who I am, I can't write a definition, but I want to be someone who is full of energy and happy to be where they are and happy alone or in company (apparently both only to an extent, but whatever).. and I like to think that, most of the time, I am that.

I always like to see the best in people and it's something that I've got worse at recently, but in all honesty I'm not sure that that's a bad thing.  I needed some of that.
I would like to be interested in people again; it used to be that I would spend hours writing someone's story.  I would sit in a cafe and someone would catch my eye, be it a man who was studiously systematic in the eating of his meal; or a builder who was so engrossed in what he was doing that he forgot about his food.. and I would write all about them.  I would write where they had come from, where they were going, why they were distracted, why they were systematic or why they were engrossed.  I miss doing that.  Though, to be fair, I think that it's partly because I don't have anywhere that I feel comfortable enough to do it in Aber.  I'm just glad that yesterday, when I went for a walk, I remembered where my favourite place in Aber is...

I'll just have to remember to go back there now.

Although I have been enjoying this monologue, I really should go and revise.. Especially because apparently my friend's singing in a Glee thing tonight, so I'll be off out from about 7 until about 10.  Unless I get distracted by talking to my Dad, which is really rather likely.
Good times yo!

Big love (:

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