Day 249

Toxic

The time with Jack was good, though slightly odd: we watched Star Wars 4, 10 Things I Hate About You, then Star Wars 5, then (at about 2am) woke up.  But I forced him to not do an all nighter - ha.  We then woke up again at about 5 and dozed til about 8:20 when we got bored and went to Waitrose, for breakfast.  (Crazy or what!!)  It was the first time I've ever waited outside Waitrose for it to open, and we both thought it very cute that when the shutters opened there was a line of people with their trollies waiting to start their shopping.

I was intrigued by a overly sugary and chocolatey cereal which ended up being overly sugary and chocolatey.  Owell.  All an experience.  Even though it was like BNBNs in milk (they were some good biscuits.  Now I have to wait til I go to France to get them -.-).

We then ate, watched Star Wars 6, fell asleep, ate lunch, then watched sponge bob square pants until it was time for him to pack ready to move back to Brighton.

Carl gave us a lift to Brighton and I was straight away dragged to a barbeque, which was....long.  It was alright towards the end becasue I got hyper and sat bouncing in my seat.  Good times.  Ish.

Day 248

I'm about to get in the shower then go to Jack's, so will write about half of today and tomorrow on the next post.

I just got in from riding Willis, and am letting myself cool down a little before getting in the shower.  He really is brilliant.  I was talking to Sue the whole ride and she would give me tips on how to keep him calm; he had a little dance around and one point, but was really good.  He's so fast!

Anyway.  Talking to Sue, she said that he would only be £800.  However, because I'm looking for a jumper instead of a hacker with the odd time jumping, he's not really right - what with his knees and all.  That settled me quite a lot really.  It's back to Horsemart for me.

PS: one day I'll start taking decent photos.

Day 247

So Alice dropped me at riding at 4ish, and I went on my way.  I tacked Willis up really quickly, not messing around because I don't trust horses in that box any more because of Goulash, it appears.

I rode him for half an hour.  Before I got on Ray told me he was going.  I was decidedly not going to get too attatched to him.  I took him into the school and got on and he walked freely.  He was collected because he was stuck behind Bill and Grey Lady, and he was gorgeous.  His pace was short but still smooth, and he was so responsive.  He listened to my hands all the time, so much that at one point I shortened my rains and he instantly shortened his stride.  Beautiful paces.  I only got one canter which he ran away from, though.  He didn't understand what to do when we were weaving cones, but he listened and learned.  So lovely.

BUT (this is for me) he was hard to stop in trot, and would quickly fall into habits of following on.

So I took him back  into his stable after half of the lesson, because it was a freebie - and now I think of it Ray wouldn't've wanted me to jump him (him having an injury when R&S are giving him back is a really bad idea).  Though he's won over fences, so he can.

He's going back, by the way, for a good reason.  He stopped racing because he fractured a knee and didn't have long enough in him, but the vet came this morning and said he had 4 years tops.  He would swell up and be unworkable basically, thus unsellable.  I mentioned it to Ray (my idea of talking to my mum about Willis) and he basically said that there are horses just as good without the limited life expectancy, and  I shouldn't bother with Willis.  The sooner he's gone the better.

So waiting for the bus (I did have a while, stupid 7pm) I wondered why I was biting back tears from this horse going, and came to a realisation which I do not want, and will not state bluntly here.  Use your own intuintion, you beautiful people.  And don't ask me what I mean.

I wrote this in a text and am going to write exactly what I put.

.1. Everything happens for a reason.

.2. I've ridden him once for half an hour.

.3. I'm doing it because he's so good and I want a good horse so much.

.4. I'm doing it /because/ he's going.

So I can just shut the fuck up.

So I know that I'm doing this myself.  So why do it?  It's fucking ridiculous.  It's liek I have a pain button somewhere which I press when I don't have enough wrong or something. 

 So why do it? 

 No effing idea.

  To explore.

I don't think it's because I think that I don't deserve happiness.   I think everyone deserves happiness.  Even people like Josef Fritzl.  That's what he was seeking in some warped way.  That's beside the point.

I don't think it's for attention because I'd sooner curl up than explain.  Anyone who reads this is more an observer than anything; I'm writing this for me.

Then again, would I?

Curl up with a hug, not my mind for company.

Urgh.  I know myself better than I think.  I just wish I didn't, every now and then.

Day 246

Because I'm posting this a day late I'll talk about what I did with Alice over the two days, then talk about riding on the next day's post.

So in the morning Jack came round and we were just having a laff rly.  I did eat chocolate but I don't think I had milk...sorry Kati =P.

He went when Alice texted saying she was on her way, so I then lay on the sofa waiting for her.  When she arrived I gave her a parking ticket and we didn't know what to do.  So we went to see Star Trek.  No reason, just felt like it.  It was pretty good.  I do so love Simon Pegg.

We went home and watched one and a half Pirates of the Caribbean movies (we fell asleep), interrupted by dinner.

The day after we spent in bed playing a ben and jerry's game.  It was really very, very amusing.

this photo is crap

just btw

Day 245

This photo is an extra one which Kati edited and took and I love.

I spent today with Kati again. It was really cool - we had cereal and toast then went out to play tennis (after buying tennis balls). We then were in really weird moods until horsing around in the forest, where Kati took this photo. How pwnful is that watch.

I have a cold. I do not like that.

See you all soon my lovelies.
I return to Brighton within the next two hours, so don't pine too much.
<3

Day 244 WITHKATI

Today was great. I went to Kati's arriving about 11 and waited for the raiiiiin to stop before wandering aimlessly round where she lives and found some really awesomified places including this uber romantic place with a lake and a hole and a sex field. Where Kati intends to lose her virginity. Apparently. Hmmmm.

Anyway, yeh lake is so awesome, really pretty. Then we bought DR SEUSS BOOK!!! and bubblebath and went to go to this park place where stoners hung out but it was too full so we went to another park place where stoners don't hang out, swung a bit and then sat under a climbing frame reading dr seuss to each other (:. then forest and stuff and...

I KISSED A COW AND I LIKED IT

(i wanna take a ride on your disco cow)

Day 243

I feel really ill.

My head might explode soon.

On the good side, today: Bobby was awesome; I organised my half term; I was offered (and accepted) free rides on Willis; I saw Jack; Jack gave me his pocketwatch; I ate duck.