Thursday, 5 April 2012

Photo Thirty Three

I miss when we used to spend ages in bed. When, that one time, he had to leave to write his essay but still every time he went to he came back. That was an amazing day. I miss ... I don't know what it is. And I feel really bad for feeling like this because I know that he has stuff to do and it's entirely selfish of me to want him to myself, but I just kinda do; I can't help it. I just wish we did make time for one another every now and then, just so that I could remember that I'm not as crap as I'm so good at convincing myself I am.

It's annoying because it's so unfair on him and i know it. Why the hell should he spend all his time pleasing me. I just miss him, I guess. Would like him to show he wants me some more, because he can say it plenty; words are just words.

Okay now enough of that.
He makes me happy and I like it when he gets back into bed, when he should be going but gets back in to give me a cuddle. I like that he wants to do that. I like how he looks. I like how he dresses. I like that he wants to sleep with me every night. I like that he wants me to be strong in myself. I like how much he cares for me. I like that I know he cares for me, even if I sometimes don't believe it. He's an amazing person. I just wish I could appreciate it all the same, because I recognise myself taking advantage and not appreciating him as I should.
Though he is so sensible that I sometimes wish I'd met him later. Though if I'd met him later, I wouldn't be changing in the ways that I am and all of those are beneficial... They're all good for me, showing that I'm ok, showing that I'm stronger than people used to tell me.

Oh I need to chill out. I'm not being myself. I'm being a crappy girlfriend thing, being all clingy and crappy and selfish. I think when I'm doing what I want to again, I'll chill out a bit... When I go out again and ride again, because it's been ages since I've ridden... (I say that - it's a week tomorrow - but still)

Deep breath.....
Now breathe easy.
And look forwards to Ireland... Because there's no need to complain so much about one of the things that makes you one of the luckiest girls in the world. :)

Posts like above really annoy me because they're things that I have to get off my chest and have to write, but don't make sense.
I do appreciate my man. He makes me happy by doing basically nothing, it's kinda lovely. I just miss him. I can't wait to go to Ireland with him. It'll help me relax again, get a break and get out of here and be beyond free. I can't wait :) <3

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