Sunday, 19 October 2014

"Go for a walk, open your heart, and see what pours out"

I love you.

I'm excited for what you will bring me and how you will make me feel, especially if it's always like this.

I wonder what it's like, being so 'used' to someone that they don't give you butterflies or make you smile all the time or something.... But I don't know if I've ever seen it. The best couple I know in the world are my aunt and uncle and they still laugh and love each other. It's changed so much since they've had the boys, but it's definitely still there. Moments when they just catch each other and smile; moments when they're relaxed on the sofa and she rests her feet in his lap. I find it beautiful.

I don't think you'll ever really stop giving me butterflies. It's already been a year and three quarters, after all.
I hope it never happens. I hope there'll still be the time when we see each other after a while and I can't help but smile and walk faster towards you; I hope there'll still be moments like when you stopped in the barriers at Brighton station because you saw me, and had "forgotten how beautiful" I am.

I miss you when you're away. It's been a whole week today since I left yours and I miss you so much that I am sad and lonely in this big flat with its ticking clock. It probably didn't help that today was the first time I felt like this flat was busy, with three other people in it, all laughing and joking all day. But I'm kinda sadder without you.

My boss said that it might be easier for me to make friends around here if you weren't here because none of the local girls are in long term relationships and that made me so, so sad. I don't want to seek single girl friends much any more because on average, I have less in common with them than I used to. I want to make friends that you'll be friends with too; I want us to make friends, not me to make friends. I think that says a lot about us and how much you mean to me.

I hope you're never bored of me. I hope you're never dissatisfied with me. I hope, I hope, I hope, that it works out for us because I can't imagine ever being able to find someone I could feel like this about who isn't you. I can't imagine coming home to anyone but you (and perhaps our future dog).
And I don't want to.

I can't imagine things getting between us. I suppose, you never can. My dad did once say to me: "divorce was never part of my plan". If course it wasn't. Tt never is; but you never think of it like that. I know that problems will come up but I just think - and hope - that we tackle our problems the way that we have avoided them before, by talking it through and addressing it and being completely honest and open with each other.

I love you, I want to be with you; and I hope you want to be with me too.
I hope that me moving nearer to you will mean that we get to do "all the stuff", as I keep on so eloquently putting it. I know you know what I mean.


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