One of the things that's really hard when you move out and learn to survive and, especially, when you start paying for yourself because there's no one else who will, is that it's all down to you. You make the chances and you manage the time and you take the breaks. And let's not lie: that's really fucking hard.
What I find hardest is definitely giving myself the time to stop, wait and take a moment for myself. I'm always looking at the next thing to do, what tomorrow will bring and how hard it will be to keep it up. What I need to learn to do, and it takes me a long time to every day, is just relax.
My top tip for all of life is: find out what makes you tick; and find out what makes it better.
When you know how to relax, your life becomes so much better.
Even saying this now, I don't really know what works for me. I'm sat on my own, in my room, having spent the last of my money on cigarettes that I only brought because my boyfriend's at work and the guy that I wanted to talk to wasn't giving me the time to listen (to be fair I didn't tell him anything was wrong; and there's no way I'm going to infringe on his first year. I'm sure I did it to him and other people in mine, it would be unfair and selfish and it's been a long time since I spoke to him and he sounded like he was actually alive.... that was a present in its own right), then having sat in the garden and smoked two of them and thought "this is crap", I just came upstairs and looked through old photos that I have on flickr.
This was the one that got me thinking. It seems to be the one that reminds me that actually, we all control our own fates and, although I do believe that some things are thought out and scripted - like when we meet someone; if we get hit by a car; when we die - we should still make the most of everything that we can.
Tomorrow, I'm going to have a lie in then write a seminar then go to a lecture then do interval training then go to work
Friday, I'm going to go to lectures then ride 8 horses in 3.5 hours then buy my mate a pint because I will owe her one after helping me with that.
Saturday, I'm working and will upload the data from the past two days.
Sunday, I'm working and will analyse some of the data I already have.
Monday, I'm going to get paid then go to lectures then go to work.
Tuesday, I have one lecture and lots of time for my horse and my work, then will go out for an Indian with my friend whether I can "afford" it or not (because let's be honest, I'll make it work).
It's all manageable, and it's all ok. It's just a psychological thing, I think: make a time table. Write out what you'll do in each day, and do it before you get tired and upset and when you have done all of that have a pint or watch a movie or whatever gets you unwound.... And be ready to start the next day.
The trick really is enough sleep, taking care of yourself, and knowing when to say when.
It's all okay.