Thursday, 30 August 2012

A deep breath to begin.

It'll take a huge amount of getting used to and moving on from and I may swallow these words, but I am looking forwards to being friends with him. It could be a great friendship, truly. Not kissing him or squeezing his hand when he makes me smile, and not trying to make him smile by doing things I know he thinks are cute... That will be hard at first. It will take some getting used to, I am sure.

But it'll be worth it and I feel relatively sure of that.

The thing is that I never usually suffer for the greater good, or under my own volition. Usually it's due to other people, not a choice rather something to be avoided. So when I think of that it seems to make sense that I don't want to let him go (of course how good our relationship has been does help, too, but is hardly the point right now). I do love him, I think, but I'm sure that'll turn platonic over time. There's no reason why that would go away immediately. I hope that the person I knew as my friend before we were together is who he really is as a friend, not someone who wanted solely to get somewhere with someone. I don't know that he is like that to all his friends - i'm not sure that I'll be able to text him an have him turn up an hour later, after his lectures, when I get a text from my ex boyfriend that I don't know how to deal with. But I'm sure I'll still e able to talk to him about it all. Tell him who is new in my life, who i'm interested in, hear his judgements. Interesting stuff.

I just need to learn to let go; but be aware that the door is still open and we're still a solid, goo pair, it just so happens that I'll probably be making enies of his girlfriends (because seriously, how many girlfriends of my friends like me?) - instead of being the girl in question.
As long as she's good enough for him, I guess it'll be ok.

I wonder what will happen. If I'll be the hate friend; if we get together again some day; if he's the hate friend of my boyfriends. Or if I'll for once get a boyfriend who is secure enough to not get that jealous, which would be nice!

Oh who knows. The only way to find out is to live it.
One, two, three, deep breath, jump.

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