Emotional; stressful; tiring. That would pretty much cover the first seven weeks of my oh so exciting summer.
I arrived and was really happy here for a week, until I noticed the politics of the place. I tried to ride Dermot's horse, a beautiful grey gelding that I've named Nomad and have decided to buy, but I wasn't allowed because of said politics. It's been damn hard work getting through this time.
I'm impressed that I managed to stay here for most of the time. One weekend I went to my grandparents' house and slept in until 8.30 (ooh) and managed to actually relax. I came back feeling refreshed and better until I saw a housemate and she made me feel bad again by talking about how much fun she's having and how many opportunities she gets. I'm jealous of her, but equally glad that I'm not such a bitch as her.. I guess that means I'll not make it, or something, but I honestly don't care. I want to train, not ruin people.
I've changed since I've been here, though; I've learned how to be on my own and what it means to be independent, though I've been very dependent on my Dad sometimes.. but I think that's fine ("The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy" - to quote Grease). I've done a lot of thinking and I think I've made some life decisions which I'm not going to post on here. I've rebelled. I've decided to buy a horse... and therefore, I've decided to change my life. It'd be exciting if I wasn't worried about my report that I'll get at the end of my time here: I rode a horse without permission and my boss is raging about it. My dad doesn't think I have much to worry about, which is just as well... I just hope to God that he's right and it'll be okay. Six weeks without putting a foot wrong can't be completely disregarded based on one incident; it'll go down on my report alongside me being a damn hard worker - I hope to God, at least. You can tell I'm serious because I said "I hope to God" twice in two sentences.
Anyway... This has been a learning curve, I suppose. The thing I've learnt mostly is what Dermot put into words for me: "Keep yourself to yourself, and that should apply to any job, because you don't know who's listening." Word gets around places like that.
Another point it's made me learn is that I don't want to work somewhere like that. I'll be much happier if I teach people to ride and teach horses to be ridden and it all takes place on a lower key, without so much messiness, and with more respect for each other; like what Dermot, Mary Ann and Tina have together.
So there we go. Only one more working day and I am not sad to be leaving.
I didn't expect to make the connections that I have, with some of the people here, like Chloe, Dermot, Mary Ann and Tina (surprised?) .. and I hope those relationships will last, at least on a professional level with Dermot so that if I'm back in Ireland I can visit him and ask him for horses to train, for tips, or just for rides. He said that he likes me both as a person and a rider so I'll be willing to bet that he'd be fine with it. I just hope he doesn't change his number, that way it'll be much easier!
One more working day; then some coffee in Jeremy's; and fuck it, I'm not going to the yard to say bye on Saturday morning... the important ones I'll say bye to on Friday. The only reason I'll go there on Saturday will be to say bye to Dermot, because I don't know if he's working on Friday. I think I'll ride the horse on Friday too, mostly just because I've basically bought him so they've no right to say otherwise. I hope.
Fingers crossed about everything.