Pressure

I feel like, recently, I have become impossible to please.

I spent the best summer travelling Europe with the man I love and since we got back, I've been working non-stop; or so it feels. I was stressed beyond belief because I don't have a laptop to put my research onto, then have been stressed about money because I don't have any.
I've been supported through all of this by Deri but I can't help feeling like because he's the one closest to me, he's going to have one hell of a time with me.

 Take last night. He asked me to do two little things around the house. One, I accept completely; the other (not to leave dishes in the sink) was the most annoying thing because I'd only started doing it since being in they house because he did it. He says that's different because he's going to do it the next morning. He doesn't, not necessarily; and anyway, how is that really fair? If you want something done then don't do it yourself. It's natural to say "oh no no I don't so they", it's also very easy to do, but saying that it's different when you do it is absolutely wank and a sure way to piss off anyone, especially your lady friend.

I always later think to myself "come on Cait, it's only the fucking dishes", then remember that a) if it was only the ducking dishes, he wouldn't care about it; and b) I've been told before that things like that break people up.

I know that's weird and paranoid but I really don't want anything to be wrong between us so if there's a way of not having it happen, I will obviously do that. So I guess it's time to talk about it.

Though another thing, he said yesterday that he felt strange. I thought that meant ill so when he told me it meant strangely pissy I was completely useless. I meant to say that I'd been worried because I didn't want him to feel ill and wanted to take care of him but only said that he should've told me he meant pissy. That's not a helpful comment, Cait.

I worry that living together with another person there is harder than anticipated. Because this didn't happen when we were alone... But that said, maybe it would've anyway. I really don't know.

I just hope that we get time together, try actively for neither of us to be hypocrites about day-to-day life, and I manage to relax and get time to myself too, because I bet having none of it is related.

Once again; a deep breath to begin. (...or rather, continue)

Cait.X