Day 227

Had  I taken this image now, it would be very different.

I meant to go to bed early, after getting of the phone with Jack, but started speaking to my dad.  He said a few things of significance which I'll note here then write about more later.  They are not word for word but they are as I remember them.

1. "You don't have to run."

2. "Beware of things which could distract you, especially your mother."

3. "It coloured his life."

4. "You'll either get 1/1 or 0/1.  You should get 1/1."

1. I didn't understand what that meant at first.  It meant to me that I was too focused on Jack, which I am and need to stop being and realise that, but he later said that there would be a lot of change in the next five months, and that because I am a person who walks, I should not run.  It makes sense to me.

2. Ow fuckity ow.  Hurts because he's right.  I've done very little revision and definately done more when at Dad's.  My mother gives vain attempts at asking me about revision and what she can help with every now and then, but nothing too serious.  She is one of my main distractions from my work...seriously.  She always has people over, takes me out places...

It doesn't help that he's really pissed off with her because she's taking me out tomorrow (and didn't tell him) and took me out yesterday (and didn't tell him).  Understandable, I'd say.

3. I asked about my grandfather, Ken.  I asked what he was like as a person.  I know my father's judgement is coloured for reasons which I will not put on a blog, but I asked anyway.  He said that my grandmother's death "coloured his life", Ken's, that is, because I asked for medium level explanation of him.  My father never knew that his father was fond of my mother because there were no signs of affection between his parents - I was the way he found out about the engraving of his mother's name on his father's ring - and it made me think how I always want my children to know what love looks like.  I want to know what Ken was like.  I want to understand.

I'll talk about this later.

PS: sorry i'm not online Kati.