Photo Twenty Six

I've had a really good weekend. Like, really good.

On Friday I went out with Alice and we ditched my flat, spent time with her's, I saw a guy I've not seen for ages, saw Henrik's friends, got Henrik's friends to save me from the guy who lent me the bow tie and glasses in the picture, saw Frank, danced with Frank for about 2 hours. It was mint!

On Saturday I spent the morning forcing my Viking to stay in bed with me. It was totally worth it, I really enjoyed it. I like to think that he thought it was worth missing out on his working time for. At 3.30 I went to meet Dad from the station and didn't buy him a pint in Beechings (I offered to buy but he quite rightly pointed out that it would end up being paid for by him indirectly so he may as well just pay). Then we walked to Yr Hafford, where he stayed, beside the castle and left his bag there and filled my bags with goodies (which we left there for Sunday, when we could pick them up in a taxi). We then walked along the prom (sort of, but it was pretty shit weather) towards Pier Street where we looked at Sports Direct, where we went on Sunday, and the restaurant we wanted to go to but ended up not. We went for another pint, this one in Harry's, where I had a little natter with Cookie which is always nice. We were then starving so wandered along looking in a couple of restaurants until we found one which was a nice Chinese I've forgotten the name of. H met us here and we munched away which was grand.

When we departed from my Dad he said "take care of her".. I thought it was sweet. He's so aware of me. Like he said at one point how much I had wanted him to approve of H at Christmas. I did, ofc, and I like that he knows that.

On Sunday I met Dad at 10am at his hotel, having taken a few snaps of the castle and surrounding area. We went to Sports Direct, bought me running shoes, leggings, socks and awesome boots, then went to Co-op for a massive shop. Dad then paid for a taxi back up to mine with the food and we stopped at YH on the way back, as mentioned, so that we could pick up the stuff he'd brought me... shampoo, conditioner (left over from his bathroom); flapjacks and brownies that moma made me; and a whole lot more besides.

WOW I forgot that I'd started this post! It was ages ago (well, about a week..)!...guess I better finish it really.

We dropped stuff off at my flat, unpacked and then went to the yard where I had a half hour lesson with Shelley on Kestrel (love Shelley, not so much Kestrel). It was good - I had to ride a 3 loop serpentine but she didn't make it easy by putting the jumps at the right angle, so that she could teach me more about lines!

We went out for dinner and whatnot and had quite a bit to drink and I was really, really upset when he left; I cried all the way home.

It was fantastic to see him, though.

Since then, I've had my results (71, 67, 64 - tidy!) and have been told I can enter a show jumping competition on Mac on the 3rd of March! I'm so excited!!

Now, however, it's off out for Mike's birthday. Should be good, though it'll have to be an early one!

Big love, beautifuls.

Photo Twenty Five

It must be said, that at times I'm terrible at explaining myself. But well. I've cheated once in my life and afterwards is the worst I have ever felt. And that was only kissing. So it's not something that I will be doing again. It's not so much that I don't trust myself - I have as much faith in myself as ever (though we both know that's not the most..) - it's just that I don't trust Dai not to try anything; not to try and sleep with me when he knows how easily he could talk me round, like he did for Freshers. I'm just like Alice, if in Fresher's I'd slept with him it would've meant I woke up in his bed with a memory of sex and gone "wait, what? How did he manage that?"

That is not something that I want to happen, especially because it would affect my relationship. I feel very strongly towards my Viking and don't want that to fuck up. I don't see much chance of us separating or such for the next two years or so, really. We've already had this conversation, though. So I won't pop it online. He knows what I think.

I've been thinking all day about how I've been treated in the past and how I'm treated now, by the Viking. It's so different it's almost unreal. I told him last night; I've been told that I'm great a hundred times, but he's the first person to make me realise that actually, people can do more than just say it. They can show it, make you feel amazing, make you feel like you truly are something special. That's what he does, and I hope to God I can, will be able to, or do for him. He's the reason I'm organising how to live my life, instead of just saying "I will, I will", secretly worrying how the person who I'm in a relationship with is going to react to it.. As let's face it, I'm a relationship person, rightly or wrongly. The only time Chris supported me was when we were so new into our relationship that he would look pretty crap doing anything but supporting me. That was when I wanted to go to America for a year, and started contacting ranches about working with them, but it fell through.

I like to think that I've started to take less shit. Not a lot less, but I'm slowly getting there. When I say this, I'm excluding Josh and how he takes advantage of me because he hardly counts. I can't be bothered to care about that yet, not until I bother rearranging my room so that I have room for my crockery and everything in here.

But I remember one time Alec had a huge go at me because I called him a loser. He then insulted me (in a casual way like that) loads, got huffy when I got annoyed and had a go at him, then I spent about twenty minutes telling him that it's all ok and there's no problem. No goddamn wonder I was in over my head there, no wonder that it went tits up. There was nothing to that relationship, to be honest. Should've given up on him and spent more time with Buzz instead. Maybe if Buzz were here, we would get on better; have a better time working together. But let's not go down that path - 'what if's are never the way forwards. Anyway, the point of that little tangent is that now I let people know when I'm pissed off at them, at least. It's a start. I think that's because of Viking face too. In fact, I know it is.

In short, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. For everything. And for everything that is yet to come. I can't wait to find out what it is.

xo

Photo Twenty Four

Lessthanthree.

I don't know why people don't believe in love. It must be really depressing. I think some people believe in it too uch. That's how some people get so hurt, I'll bet. But to be fair, it's kind of an exciting idea. In a way. It does depend on your definition of love, but my definition is one I'm looking forwards to.. And it will mean someone who won't turn to be a dick. Maybe I'll just already know that they are - and love them for it. Because as long as it's real, it's amazing.

That was a slightly random moment but there we go.

I have a new flatmate - isn't that exciting. Apparently she doesn't speak much English and bought an army of men to help her move in, but apparently they have three month long crash courses in English so Alisha (however it's spelt) reckons she's doing that. Makes for exciting times. Or would, if I'd seen her.

I can't wait for my pappy to visit in 2 weeks :) He's taking me to dinner on Saturday the 18th, which will be lovely!

He's already giving me advice about bills next year. This could be tricky - but I think we'll just split it 5 ways. I hope it'll be that easy.

Anyway.

It's time for me to go and ride my favourite horse with my favourite instructor teaching me. Fan bloody tastic :)