Cat's Place.

Photo Twenty Five

2012-02-13T04:15:00.000-08:00

It must be said, that at times I'm terrible at explaining myself. But well. I've cheated once in my life and afterwards is the worst I have ever felt. And that was only kissing. So it's not something that I will be doing again. It's not so much that I don't trust myself - I have as much faith in myself as ever (though we both know that's not the most..) - it's just that I don't trust Dai not to try anything; not to try and sleep with me when he knows how easily he could talk me round, like he did for Freshers. I'm just like Alice, if in Fresher's I'd slept with him it would've meant I woke up in his bed with a memory of sex and gone "wait, what? How did he manage that?"

That is not something that I want to happen, especially because it would affect my relationship. I feel very strongly towards my Viking and don't want that to fuck up. I don't see much chance of us separating or such for the next two years or so, really. We've already had this conversation, though. So I won't pop it online. He knows what I think.

I've been thinking all day about how I've been treated in the past and how I'm treated now, by the Viking. It's so different it's almost unreal. I told him last night; I've been told that I'm great a hundred times, but he's the first person to make me realise that actually, people can do more than just say it. They can show it, make you feel amazing, make you feel like you truly are something special. That's what he does, and I hope to God I can, will be able to, or do for him. He's the reason I'm organising how to live my life, instead of just saying "I will, I will", secretly worrying how the person who I'm in a relationship with is going to react to it.. As let's face it, I'm a relationship person, rightly or wrongly. The only time Chris supported me was when we were so new into our relationship that he would look pretty crap doing anything but supporting me. That was when I wanted to go to America for a year, and started contacting ranches about working with them, but it fell through.

I like to think that I've started to take less shit. Not a lot less, but I'm slowly getting there. When I say this, I'm excluding Josh and how he takes advantage of me because he hardly counts. I can't be bothered to care about that yet, not until I bother rearranging my room so that I have room for my crockery and everything in here.

But I remember one time Alec had a huge go at me because I called him a loser. He then insulted me (in a casual way like that) loads, got huffy when I got annoyed and had a go at him, then I spent about twenty minutes telling him that it's all ok and there's no problem. No goddamn wonder I was in over my head there, no wonder that it went tits up. There was nothing to that relationship, to be honest. Should've given up on him and spent more time with Buzz instead. Maybe if Buzz were here, we would get on better; have a better time working together. But let's not go down that path - 'what if's are never the way forwards. Anyway, the point of that little tangent is that now I let people know when I'm pissed off at them, at least. It's a start. I think that's because of Viking face too. In fact, I know it is.

In short, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. For everything. And for everything that is yet to come. I can't wait to find out what it is.

Photo Twenty Four

2012-02-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

Lessthanthree.

I don't know why people don't believe in love. It must be really depressing. I think some people believe in it too uch. That's how some people get so hurt, I'll bet. But to be fair, it's kind of an exciting idea. In a way. It does depend on your definition of love, but my definition is one I'm looking forwards to.. And it will mean someone who won't turn to be a dick. Maybe I'll just already know that they are - and love them for it. Because as long as it's real, it's amazing.

That was a slightly random moment but there we go.

I have a new flatmate - isn't that exciting. Apparently she doesn't speak much English and bought an army of men to help her move in, but apparently they have three month long crash courses in English so Alisha (however it's spelt) reckons she's doing that. Makes for exciting times. Or would, if I'd seen her.

I can't wait for my pappy to visit in 2 weeks :) He's taking me to dinner on Saturday the 18th, which will be lovely!

He's already giving me advice about bills next year. This could be tricky - but I think we'll just split it 5 ways. I hope it'll be that easy.

Anyway.

It's time for me to go and ride my favourite horse with my favourite instructor teaching me. Fan bloody tastic :)

Photo Twenty Three

2012-01-10T00:14:00.000-08:00

Myself and his beautiful Vikingness.

We went to London and had a photo spasm briefly, which is what you can see. He came down to Brighton to visit me on the 4th. I wasn't at the airport when he arrived because I missed my train......what a wanker I am. I was well excited for that movie-like moment too.
We had an amazing time though. I've never spent so long with someone without going mad. We've been together a lot since, too, which is pretty awesome. Had a really lovely night last night.. I was pretty hyper and he was as weird as ever!... good times like. :)

I've started lectures again now, and although "Land Use" is the most useless module I've ever encountered, I'm really enjoying them. Like really, really enjoying them. Brilliant stuff!

Ummm my mum broke up with her boyfriend and is sending me emo texts which is pretty tricky. I mean. I don't know what's best for her, what to say to her. I know what I think but I'm not sure that she wants to. I've told her that I agree with things she's said when they've been "on breaks" before, but I don't know if that's enough really. This is very odd.
I find it hard enough to pick up the pieces of anyone.. I don't know. I feel in over my head at the moment - for literally no reason. Yes, I have a lot of work that I need to crack on with, but I'm on it really. It's just that I find it hard to be there for people sometimes and I've had to a lot. I'll just try to remember that I need to care for myself, too. We'll see, I suppose.

/Emo moment.

Stuff is good, I'm not gonna lie. I'm lucky to have my Viking, my friends are amazing, I'm enjoying the majority of my course, and I love Aber.

Mint :) xo

hello aber.

2012-01-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how good it is to be back. :)

More not emo posts will follow, i'm sure, maybe talking about the amazing few days I just spent with my viking in Brighton.. But now I need to meet my best friends and spend all the money I can't technically afford to spend :)
I'd forgotten how insanely awesome my flat is. This opinion may not last, but i'm enjoying it for now! Josh mught even suit single life.. If he believes that he doesn't /need/ his ex. We'll see.

Photo Twenty Two

2011-12-31T05:22:00.000-08:00

Hello, Blogger.

I feel horrific today (ergo - no face in the photo) with a high temperature, throbbing headache and swollen glands. So I'll be ringing in the new year at home, in bed. At least probably in bed - hoping I don't just pass out on the sofa!

Have a good one y'all, enjoy yourselves and all the best for 2012.

Make it the best yet.

Photo Twenty One

2011-12-28T01:55:00.000-08:00

Should 21 be hyphenated? This is why we English people need to be taught English properly. I genuinely am not sure.

Btw I look like crap at the moment, hence the photo is only lips/chin. (Y)

Anyway. Thought of the day: don't go out with someone that your friend sets you up with. Because when you break up, the first friend is still friends with the person they set you up with. So when the person you were set up with says "how about we go to (my new lady)'s house party on new year?" there's no reason why the first friend should say no. But like HELL are you gonna actively ruin your new year, no matter how your expectations of it are every year. Ergo: none of your close(ish) friends on New Year.

Though that's probably a good thing. I think Amy and I are going to a house party with Tom and Millie, who are pretty good fun. Millie in her hilariously slutty ways and Tom in his retarded, somewhat chav ways. Good fun chap, he is. Like in Coalition smoking area when we were out, we started squaring up to each other. It ended in a hug and calling each other awesome, which is always nice.

Today I'm trying to get some work done, then I'll have a nice invigorating shower, go into town and wander around Snooper's Paradise looking for a bread bin for my dad, then come back via my mum's so I can get my yoga book and money (I don't trust whoever she's letting sleep in my room and I've been chucking all my change in a glass jar thing.. I have at least £20 in there), do some yoga, clean my Dad's house a bit (bathroom and kitchen today, I think), see what time it is and maybe do some more work, maybe see m'boy Jamaz....then decide whether or not to go out tonight. Could meet Byard again, he's always good fun. We shall see :)

I will do this all while attacking my ear with TCP at regular intervals throughout the day (new piercing infected - boo).

I feel so much better today. In case you hadn't realised. :)

(also... one week. teeee ^,^)

Photo twenty

2011-12-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

I've done nothing for a few days, and it's really annoying. I'm not using up the energy that I produce and it's driving me round the bend. I want to go and do stuff but I don't have anything to do, anywhere to go, or anyone to do it with. All my friends want to do is go out and get pissed; no one seems to be up for chilling out, swimming, going somewhere. A little exploration.

I miss my Viking, he would usually have cheered me up by now.

I need to do something. Aaaah.

I would go riding but there's not really much point, because Ray doesn't teach me anything and the horses at Hamsey aren't that amazing at the moment; they're not what I want, because I want fun and fizz and bouncing, which they don't really do. Goddamn. Damn damn damn.

Photo ninteen

2011-12-25T14:44:00.000-08:00

So this photo was taken ages ago but it'll still count. It's not like there's any reason for me to be numbering these photos anyway, it's more of an excuse than anything.

Anyway - merry christmas!

I've done the merriment and the board games and now I'm, well, bored. I should go to bed, like really should, because I'm hurting from a fall from a horse on Thursday (more serious than I thought - bit silly of me tbh. from what i can work out, i landed on the right side of my back then rolled with a fair amount of force into the wall, which was the most painful bit and the reason so much of me hurts. Bummerrrr.) and am so grouchy that it's painful .. Amazing how 3 months of being all active and stuff can get to you.

It's annoying, I wanted to swim and stuff over this holiday, so that I could at least come away from it feeling okay, but I got my ear pierced (eee!) so can't swim, but I also can't work out at the gym or anything because my muscles hurt from Thursday. Lucky thing I just found a yoga plan - I'm sure that's a good thing.

So what's new? My dinosaur onesie, mostly. LOVE it. I had a really good day with my family today. My dad and bro. We had so much food that we're having to postpone Christmas dinner until Friday though, hahaha.

I got my onesie, a book of Edgar Allen Poe's complete works, a book called 'The day Aberystwyth stood still', a helicopter ride (!), insurance on my car for when the Viking's down, fuel paid for the previous, and more to come from my moma. Two christmas celebrations can be odd, but also awesome.

I also miss my Viking like crazy. But I'm not sure how new that is..

Anyway, I've run out of things to say, and the tiredness has finally hit.

Night, beautifuls (L)

Photo Eighteen

2011-12-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

Not gna lie guys, I feel crap. It was great to see my friends again and Patrick walked me home and we had one of our long talks about everything which was amazing. I've missed him.

But Chris was out, with his new lady, and they were making out a LOT. When they weren't, Chris was entirely ignoring her and often trying to disrupt my conversations. I say this but it's a complete overexaggeration - I was talking to Jimmy at one point and he tried to talk to him across the circle of people, and I was singing at Bassey at another point and Chris just took Bassey's attention. So nothing big at all. Just awkward. Just annoying.

His lady has a piercing in between her two front teeth. Patrick had to explain to me that it was a piercing, not a defect. I find that weird. Why would you want that? So indie she has bleeding gums.

I hate that, because of how she's looked at me, I know what he's said about me. That I'm a complete bitch who broke his heart. Ignoring how much I had to deal with, how I put so much into our relationship and got essentially jack shit back (to be fair he might have been nice I just can't fucking remember it. We had good times out (when I paid or I took us somewhere - not charging him for petrol, of course.)....), and how much money I spent on him. He still owes me at least £50 I'll never see again. Not to mention the amount of entry fees and drinks and god knows what else I paid for him. Never, ever get money involved in a relationship. Ever.

I'm still the bitch. The bitch who couldn't take it any more.. but like that matters. Makes me feel a bit like I shouldn't bother. On the good side, I recognise that this doesn't apply to everything and doesn't mean that my life is pointless or whatever. It just means that I need to break the cycle. Fingers crossed then, viking.

On the other good side, Skah was amazing at ripping the piss out of them.

So, well, it was okay overall. I'm not sure how tomorrow at Carolina's will be, but we'll have to see. I'll just remember to stay sober enough to understand myself and get drunk enough to be better at ignoring him.

Still. Peace out y'all.

Photo seventeen

2011-12-19T01:17:00.000-08:00

Several things, today..
1. I'm home again. So Hello Brighton! It's good to see you.

2. He makes my heart go boom.

3. What I was thinking about on the way home yesterday. Life is so much easier if you stop thinking about the goodbyes and start thinking about the hellos. That's a terrible way of phrasing what I'm trying to say, though. Basically, if you start thinking "I'm going to miss you like hell", you get all sad and stop doing what you want to spend your time doing. However, if you think "It's going to be amazing to see you again", you become excited; have things to look forwards to. Of course, you still miss the person, but it's a shit lot easier when you plan what to wear when you see them again, where to take them, what you'll do together. So I'm employing this idea both now, while I'm missing the Viking over Christmas, and in life. "I may miss you but I'm going to meet some amazing people" will come up a lot, I think. Just remember to keep the best ones around. And the best ones aren't necessarily the obvious ones. In fact, they're often not.

4. There are better places to read about how to breed horses than on a train. And that's a fact.

Photo sixteen

2011-12-16T06:54:00.000-08:00

I'm going home soon. I can't wait to see my pappy, and it'll be good to see some friends and things. And what's grand is I always have an excuse to not go out, which is that I can't afford anything. Christmas absolutely rinsed me, I'm skint now! I think people have good presents though.. well, I hope that they like them. Tee. Family meal with Becca and Alice tonight, which will be lovely. I can't wait. I'm excited to go home now, though I will miss Becca and Alice and H ever so much! Ah well - 3 weeks isn't tooo long :)

Teeee. Back to packing I go!

Photo fifteen

2011-12-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

I look shit & feel shit today. I was expecting to see the viking tonight and haven't because he went out which kina sucks. I've not been out for ages and miss it. Feels like I haven't had fun for ages. I have, it's stupid to say otherwise, but I just feel shit.

I'm talking to someone who's meant to be caring enough to make me feel better but she kinda isn't, like, at all. I got Alice round for the evening and so I stayed sane but now I'm having trouble doing so because I'm having stuff I'm not interested in told to me. This is boring, Life is boring. I feel crap. I'm so glad I can get away on Saturday, at last.

Photo fourteen

2011-11-25T00:04:00.000-08:00

This was actually taken 5 ays ago, I'm not gna lie. I just cba to take one at the moment, because I'm ill and really hot because I'm trying to sweat out a fever. Sexy, innit. This was after the UV party and before the shower which followed. Damn, that was a good night.

So update:
On Wednesday I saw my brother again! This was when I was illest (of course. I'd been fine until that morning then woke up with swollen glands.. ridiculous) We went to Frank Turner and it was as amazing as ever. He's bloody brilliant, and seems to get better every time we see him live. He played Photosynthesis as his last track and it was amazing, he controlled the audience so well! There was a surprising lack of pits though, which I could see because I was sitting down for most of it because everything hurt (-.-)

We stayed in Newport, where the gig was, overnight which was my dad's birthday present to me (FT was Pod's) and I slept in a double bed! Oh my, it was weird. I slept diagonally most of the night, and kept on waking up in weirder positions than the last time.

We then got the train back to Aber and had a curry after Pod met Henrik, who's lent me a scarf which is brilliant tbh. They seemed to get on well, and Pod liked him, yey. And mum sent him a text that eve saying "Have you met Henrik??????" which is hilariously enthusiastic.

We watched Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist (cute) then Mr and Mrs Smith, which I made myself fall asleep in. I slept badly. I miss sleeping with the Viking already, but it's probably just as well that I'm not because I'd disturb him so much with the amount that i'm tossing and turning and waking and whatnot... and that wouldn't be great. He is very cute though. Going out with him and some other people tonight which I look forwards to (I fucking dread tomorrow though - feel rough already and out with Pod? Oh gawd), not least because it means that I can get some hugs. Just don't want to infect him though, as that'd be so darn crap.

Well, B Colon is late showing up here which means that I'll have to be ready when she does. So I'm gonna go. Bye, y'all.

Photo Thirteen

2011-11-18T09:58:00.001-08:00

Damn, too cool for school! ... Hence why I'm at uni. I went to lectures wearing sheep slippers, this here night cap and matching trousers that I stole off the Viking today, as well as my flatmate's hoody. I should really wear my own clothes more.

Debating whether or not to buy this onesie: http://www.kigs.co.uk/adult-animal-costumes/27-panda-costume.html ... it'd be beyond awesome, but i can't afford it really.... then again, i've not spent much this week.... HMM.

Anyway. Today's been pretty alright, mostly because I've been wearing PJs all day. It's a good way of doing loads but still feeling like you've done nothing, I'm not gna lie. I do, however, also feel lazy because of it, even though I've been at the stables mucking out for 2 hours, learning shit about a progressive riding test (it sounds like a waste of time, tbh), in a business lesson for 2 hours (i'm going to fail), been writing an anatomy lab repot, and have been playing Odd Socks on Facebook loads. It's addictive and lame. So lame that my friend Alice called me lame. That's not a good sign.

It's this evening that I'm looking forwards to. The viking's coming round, I'll cook for him (even though I have shit all food... I'll have to pop to the shop!) then we'll watch Sweeny Todd because it's awesome. Then I'll get a lie in with him tomorrow (unless he has to get up early.. I hope he doesn't.. but think he does.. d'oh) which is always awesome. I wake up happy when it's with him. Genuinely, I usually wake up pretty "meh", but every morning I'm with him I'm happy. It's pretty awesome, it must be said. It's weird to think that we've only been together about a month; it feels longer than that, because i'm so comfortable and relaxed around him. It's almost like it's too easy for the beginning of a relationship. But I'm not complaining. It feels fantastic.

Photo Twelve

2011-11-07T02:47:00.000-08:00

sorry about this photo, i know it's beyond gross.

Morning all. i feel properly rough today, haven't gone to lectures because of that. might have to go to the doctor's so that i can be excused, because i'll need a doctor's note, but i'm not really that level of ill. I also don't know where my doctor's surgery is and can't afford £6 for a taxi to and from town... so that's that, i guess.

on the good side, my man the viking is ever so sweet. he said that he wished he could take care of me (he can't because he's all clever and stuff so has like a million essays to do for really soon) and that he thinks we're getting to know each other really well... he seems to be a lot of what i've hoped for before. fingers crossed this doesn't fuck up. i really hope it won't. it doesn't feel like it will - it feels too much like what i've hoped for. honestly, the only thing that worries me is "what happens in three years?" - when we leave uni. i'm sure that if it's meant to be, it will be, though. so fingers crossed. big time. that's one of the things that i like about him.. because i knew him before we were together, i feel like i know a real, genuine version of him, unlike with chris, i don't worry that he'll change in a couple of months. it's good. it's good feeling this secure. so, so good.

(L)

Photo Eleven

2011-11-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

When me and the Viking got together, we were sitting on a ruin in a field and being stared at by some sheep.

Last night, he took me back there and lit a scented candle and gave me cupcakes and wine. I have never been so romanced in all of my life. I'm about to go to his for dinner and then the theatre.. No idea if I'm dressed for the best. I'm wearing a skirt and two pairs of tights but have a feeling I'll freeze anyway.. and why don't I have a nice coat here? I'm going to have to still wear my hockey hoody. D'oh..

Photo Ten

2011-10-31T03:35:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling sexy today, as you can tell...

My best friend is visiting me :) - but she's asleep at the moment because we only got back about 7//8 hours ago and I just generally don't sleep enough so am awake and about to do an essay.

And I stole this hat off my flat mate. He's not here at the moment, but left it in the kitchen so I put it on. I just hope he doesn't have nits.

And my viking is amazing. Not least because he says all these things that I genuinely believe. It's a wonderful feeling, this one of complete trust. God I hope this lasts.

love.

Photo Nine

2011-10-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

He's bloody lovely.

It was my birthday in Aber yesterday, so I went out with several friends and it was lovely. They're amazing people. And now my best friend from Brighton is here and she's lovely! Lovely lovely lovely. And my viking makes me happy. I had an amazing morning with him just doing nothing but mucking around... Did I mention that he's lovely?

Now to have pizza, wine and a heart to heart with my bestie. How I've missed her!

Photo Eight: Return of the Cat Hat!

2011-10-27T14:08:00.001-07:00

The cat hat is back, and as awesome as ever. I have done basically nothing today. That's actually not true, I've done loads and had a pretty good day, I just feel like I've done nothing. It's really weird. I went for a ride then dissected a horse's penis this morning (standard), then came back, had pizza and crisps (mm healthy), did my laundry, started researching my essay, started writing my essay, and am now waiting for the viking. So practical, just not with much moving. Will have to be busting out the gym type moves on Monday.. I would tomorrow, but it's the start of my birthday! (actually I might tomorrow anyway, but that's not the point). Tomorrow my friends take me to Aber vaults and then on a pub crawl. I predict it to be messy. I do, however, want to last the night, so might have to stick on the WKDs at first, with no predrinking... ooh hardcore. I have new shoes for it and everything. I'll make sure to post a photo at pome point!

Big love.

Photo Seven

2011-10-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hula Hoop Hands!! (I really need to stop eating junk food. Or go to the gym more. Or both. (pah))

My Viking is coming to visit me for new year now i'm happy :) I'll only have to miss him for two weeks. Gosh, I hope that this ones last. We've been formal as of the 21st of October :)

I'm sorting out my work experience stuff for next summer at the moment... I want to go to as many places as possible! There's Spain and Ireland already applied to.. New York next!

This Viking is making me want to make everything happen. It's how things should be.. we should make what we want to happen happen, because there's nothing to say that it will otherwise. Let's go guys. Let's take the leap. Head first, Fearless!

Photo Six

2011-10-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is clearly not going to be a "365 days of my life" kinda thing, because I've already missed loads, so I think I'll just start counting photos and documenting stuff because I find it interesting to look back on. Like really interesting.

Anyway today I've done not enough work and have been on the yard all day. I'm in an amazing mood though.. I think it's because I'm wearing the viking's braces! =)

I have a lab report that I should be doing atm though ooooops!

Last night was a good one too, Henrik got very drunk so we ended up eating chicken and chips and getting a taxi home early, which was pretty good - especially because it meant that I could actually function this morning! He was proper buzzing at his though, it was quite amusing xD I just went to bed though. Very sensible of me tbh! :):):)

Day Five

2011-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hey all :)

Found a horse that I really like the look of, it's pretty awesome! I'm going to try and go to see it in a week, but I need to figure out costs beforehand.

I slept through most of an anatomy lecture today, which shows great things for my future understanding...

I was also told by the Viking that he has a surprise planned for my birthday. He told what it is to my friend Becca and she seems to think that I'll love it... I am so excited now. I'm not even kidding; I've not been this excited for a birthday in YEARS. Hoping for the best from that boy, in the long run. It's looking promising, I will not lie.

Day Four

2011-10-16T23:44:00.001-07:00

It must be said, waking up in a good mood and going to sleep so happy that you're smiling are absolutely lovely feelings.

Today ... I'm not sure how good it'll be because I'm going to be on yard in the evening after a 9 - 5 day of lectures and work and stuff... oh I bet it'll be awesome. Hope I get to see the Viking at the end of it. (:

The hunt for a horse is going well. Well I say that, I mean that I've found some gorgeous looking ones and I bet that they'll be gone by the time I get to call the owners... but that's not the point! It's all good. :)

More later maybe.... we shall see.

Btw, like my towel?

Day threeeee

2011-10-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

GOOD DAY!!

1-- me and the viking kinda got closer which is lovely lovely lovely (:

2-- my friend and i had so much fun checking books out of a library that it was insane. seriously, it was amazing, you kinda scan the bar code then push it forwards... it bleeps with approval and everything!

3-- There have been rumors from my dad that buying a horse is on the cards...!! OMG!! Well actually it's meant to be a loan but I don't have a prayer of getting one around here, really. So fingers crossed... I like the look of a wee Dun who's nice looking.. and a TB ex racehorse which could be nice.. OOH HOW EXCITING!!!!

yeah the photo's meant to be my excited face, it just went a bit wrong and i didn't want to retake it because i was on the phone to my dad at the time..!

lovelovelove<3

Day two

2011-10-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

Evening all.

I had a really nice day. I'm really, really tired now because I woke up at 12 having "only" slept 9 hours (I think I need to catch up on sleep a bit... having been out til 2 and up at 7 most days), but we (Mike, our adopted flatmate who spends all his time at our flat because his is boring; Dai, one of my flatmates; and Rob, another flatmate - and me but I assume you can work that out yourselves) spent the day at the beach in Aber. I absolutely love it here. It's so relaxed it's amazing, with the most random things going on sometimes (there were people earlier dressed as jedi type things and fighting... like whaaat?).

Tonight will be my first silent/headphone disco. I'm pretty up for it, hoping it'll be a good one, because a silent disco is something I've always wanted to do. weyy.

Day one - take two!

2011-10-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

I had genuinely forgotten that I had this blog. I came back on it today and read some really lovely comments that I didn't see before.. and it made me decide to start again with 365 :)

A lot has changed since I last wrote! I'm not living in Aberystwyth and studying Equine Studies. It's only been 3 weeks so far but it must be said that I'm really enjoying it. I have learned a lot already, though have also repeated a lot.. that said, it's practice that makes perfect, so it can hardly do any damage.

What else? I left this blog shortly after Alec.. that was so long ago! Gosh. I don't even know how to fill you all in straight off the top of my head, so I think I'll just tell you as I go. I think that one of the most important things to know is that when I refer to "my viking" or "my pet viking", I mean my friend Henrik, who I only met since being here but have really connected with. He's brilliant - as soon as I have a bad night I text him, and he makes me feel so much better. Last Wednesday some guy was being a proper arsehole and made me feel really bad about myself, so I texted Henrik and he stayed up until 2am talking to me. Bless him. Hope that we stay in touch for, well, always, if I'm completely honest.

Not being at home is a really big change for me.. I find it kinda hard, but also kinda easy and natural. I'm in a flat with 9 other people (I think..) and there's such a mix of people that it's insane. We seem to all get on so well, though (except for one poor guy who gets the piss ripped out of him. I feel sorry for him, but can't help it - he's the kind of person who's every other word is digging at you or undermining your point, which gets very tiring!

I'm not sure how long we'll get on for - having seen one of my friends fall out with her housemates horribly last year - but I hope that it goes well for the year at least.

Oh so much more to say, but equally as much work to do. I don't even have assignments yet, I just have to type up a lot of notes so that I stay on top of them. Unfortunately, I haven't really done this yet... so I better get typing!

Big love (L)

Day eleventymillion

2010-06-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

Me and my English class. I'm at the back being strangled by Toby. Such a babe that kid, haha.

Yesterday was my last day of term, and I was just "Looking Back, Over My Shoulder".

I've had too many boyfriends and haven't considered their feelings all the time. Then again, there's been no reason to. Alec broke up with me essentially so that he could be emotionally traumatised; I can see no other reason. But I'm getting ahead of myself. When I left you, I was wearing Alec's gloves and wanted to say "I love you".

Eventually, he almost made me to say "ily", and I don't think that I would've otherwise. I wish I hadn't, because I developed a huge attachment to him; I enjoyed being with him greatly. But I don't know why. At the end of the day, I kinda wish I hadn't been with him. Then I would've known for sure if I shoudl've been with Jonny or not. But that's another story.

I've found people that I'm happy being friends with and have settled into Lewes at last. I'm getting on with people and, even though I've sold Buzz so I don't really know what to do with my summer, I'm sure I'll find something to do.

I'm hopeful for the future. I just want to get on with it now. Though I am /not/ complaining about this summer break coming up; a huge amount of time stretches ahead of me in which I can do what I want and live all I want. I can't wait.

So beauties, good luck, dream big, love who you deem worthy.

I'll catch you on the flip side.

(L)

Radar: Edits

2010-04-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

I found a photo of when me and Radar were hugging in the park yesterday. It's a sleazy as photo because he was joking at the time and moving one of his hands a bit far down, but I decided to post some edits here because I'm actually kinda pleased with them. They're not brilliant because of the quality, and the fact that some of them are tiny snippets of the original photo, but still. I'm happy with them, in general.

From sleaze to intimacy in three easy steps.

The original image:

Some edits:

Interpret this last one as you will:

And that's your fill.

I'm wearing Alec's gloves :)

2010-02-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

He broke them, the loser... they used to fold over at the wrists but don't any more. His hands are longer than mine which is making it kinda difficult to type, but hey. They smell of him. And earth. I wonder why....but then again, I'm not sure I want to know. He was probably drunk and being odd. Bless.

I don't actually have anything to say....so let's talk about yesterday!

I went home, got my stuff (cos no one cares about college - it was average and I had a free.), then got the bus to Lewes. I ended up going to the station and not bothering to ride, because i didn't have enough time. (And thursday I rode for ten minutes...how crap is that XD...then Wednesday I fell off....not my week riding-wise, rly!) Anyway I met Charli and her sehr amusing friend Jack at Lewes station and even though I ran we missed the train :( .. but that wasn't too bad because it's Charli, and as I said Jack is sehr amusing. So we got the train and I went to Charli's for a bit - her house and dogs are gorgey and her mum's lovely and her step dad's pretty coolsticks - before swinging like childish children (which was immense fun) and meeting Alec and Michael to walk to Ryan's together. When we were there we played I've Never. Apparently there's a fair bit that I've not done.....and I did find out quite a bit about people. Like...no I can't remember. But apparently Charli's proud of how well I coped in that situation because I didn't know any of them (except the people I did...but I didn't know Ryan, Dippers (lol), Nikki (who spent most of the evenine being sick upstairs), or whatsit. Or was that it? Oh whatever. There were some I didn't know and few that I'm actually close to (I'm close to Alec and Charli. Basically.)........aaand I still drank quite a bit about things that I've done. At one point which made Alec almost piss himself. But yeah.......

So yeah, we played I've Never then Zoe and I went for a pee in the park. Because Nikki was already puking in the bathroom and we were liek...maybe not. So me and Zoe toddled off having an odd conversation. She saw people she knew on the way there which was totally "lolwut", then we squatted side by side. I had definately never done that before XDD

Then we went back and Alec and I did some kisses then there's a bit that I can't remember.....but Ryan and Zoe almost got busy, and Michael and Charli disappeared off somewhere. Then Alec lay on me while on the sofa and we played dares and everyone basically refused to kiss everyone else. Then Carly (Alec's ex) arrived with some person and her boyf (who used to be Alec's besty. Bad person.), so we went at like 11. Not to sleep til 2 though. And slept through Transformers 2...

Then in the morning Alec got up at 6 for his paper round so gave me a kissy then I went back to sleep. He got back after...some time, I dunno, and we had a lil natter, then put Transformers 2 back on and fell asleep again. Charli rang at 10 to 10 so it's a fucken good thing she did or I would've missed my train xD

I got the aforementioned train to Lewes and had the most disgusting chicken and ham slice thing ever. Seriously - it was goop with flavouring. Euuurgh. I felt sick when driving 'cause of that. Then Daphne dropped me at the yard and I had this absolutely awesome ride on Buzz. Unfortunately he was a complete dick when we got back - it took about half an hour to get him into his box..no joke. Ridicularse.

Then I got the bus home and met Charli..or rather, coincidentally and rather luckily ran into Andy and George who were off to meet Alec, Michael, Lucy and Charli. I got Alec a Valentine's present (one of which Charli came over....hahahahaha), and almost got a shirt but it wasn't in the right size, but was awesome, so that kinda sucks. Then me Charli and Lucy went around a few shops and so forth, before they went back to the station. We went to the station via cyberdog though, which was amazing because I BOUGHT PANTS. In the wrong size so i'll change them tomorrow, but still. LOVE THEM!

Oh, it was when I was with Charli and Lucy that I got Alec's gloveses. I'm so gonna go up to Charli on Monday and say "CHARLI CHARLI LOOK AT MY PANTS" (I'll be wearing the Cybers), and wonder if Alec notices that they're his gloves. Because I would lol a lot if he doesn;t. That sounds like a knight....Sir Lolalot. heheheheh :)

Anyway, it's time to love you, leave you, and persuade Dan (my mbs..haha) to come visit before Avatar =)

Love love love xxx

It's fucking SNOWING!!!

2009-12-17T23:42:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was AMAZING and when we got out it was snowing, and by the time I went to sleep I couldn't see out of my window cause of the snow!! FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!

Now, where the fuck's my camera???

Exciting times.

2009-12-15T23:36:00.001-08:00

Yesterday

Broke up with Connor which was easy enough. He was about to explain why but didn't - tbh I don't mind. We weren't that close.

Wore santa hats then Kat took mine off because Christmas is "too far away"...10 days isn't bad!!

Organished tomorrow (now today) and Thursday (now tomorrow)

Found out Skah doesn't like me and apparently never has.

Got depressed.

Decided: "fuck her". If she's going to just announce that behind my back then she can just piss off. So there we go. At least I have Millie...she's more important tbh.

Listened to Jack The Ripper (i love that song. and it doesn't physically hurt to hear now =))

Listened to Sound The Bugle

Went to sleep.

Today

I've done very little but I'm very excited!

It's a short day

Then walking to the yard

Seeing Aliceee

Going home

Meeting Tronboiiii

Dressing as a slut

Wearing something more decent over the top

Probably meeting Millie and Alex and maybe Aaron

Going to burger king

Going to Mr Fawcett's memorial for a bit

Leaving and being down until I meet Amy, Charli, Zoe, Lucy, Alec and George

Going to "Freshmas"!

Coming home

Sleeping

A lot

=D!!!!

Tomorrow

PARAMOREEEEEEEEEEEEE

Day 7 of the week

2009-12-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

I had such a good day.

I had coffee and I liked it.

I went after the coffee gathering to Lewes with Simon and a few other exchange students, which was really good and involved finding SUCH a cute tea room!

Then in French we did basically nothing but we did use pens and paper and it was cool.

I showed Alice how to develop in the free, then we met Charli and went into the canteen...

At lunch Phil and I had the BEST hug EVER :: we were at opposite sides of the canteen and saw each other and both got up and started running towards each other then did a big leapy hug and he span me round. It was so so so funny. He litterally rofl-ed XDD

Then Spanish was awesome: me, Karim and Jessica wrote a play about cheating on people and finding out and reactions. VALE TÍO!!! (yo dude ;])

Then me, Simon, Alice and Clémont went to Brighton and had coffee in Starbucks. I am officially 'into' coffee. I would say addicted but well I'm not. Yet. :P

Then Alice and I came home and had a lovely time and now here I am still buzzing from that fucking awesome hug. It was doubtlessly the highspot of the day.

Photo to follow - Alice wants the computer.

Day six of the week which will actually be 8 days long.

2009-12-09T23:23:00.001-08:00

Photography today was good because all I did was edit George's head coming out of a horse's butt and laugh very very hard when james edited the head of a woman (from a previous in-joke) onto a cherry. It was daaamn funny. French was kinda crap because we had Suzy and she's kinda crap, but I did learn that someone or other did something or other with testosterone in the 2007 tour de france. Exciting stuff ey?! I then went with Charli to reception where I found Connor, gave Charli a hug then went to Connor's. It was goood times, he makes me laugh a lot and we had pizza with cheese in the crust. Crazy days or what!

We then walked around Newhaven for a bit, bought some cookies, then I caught the 5.30 train homes. I was home for an hour and a half or so before Dad and I went to get Alice from Lewes as she'd been to London to watch Oliver! the musical.

I had an early night cause I was really fucking tired, which is why this is late to be updated.

Day 5 of the week

2009-12-08T23:27:00.000-08:00

Today Cay was a bitch

Today I got angry

Today I found something out which relaxed me

Today I went to Picasso's and spent about 2 hours laughing.

Today I went to Eastbourne for the first time (i think)

Today I thanked Kati for being the best friend I could hope for.

And thus, overall, a "rollercoaster" day... but I liked it. Except for Cay.

Day 4 of the week.

2009-12-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't that great but it ended awesomely!

Cause after college which was eh and long, I went with Charli to the station. I didn't get to see Connor for more than like 2 minutes in the library, but Alec gave me hugs and Charli was charli and I spent time with Amy who's a baaaabe. I then went to Costa and got a hot chocolate with marshmallows and sat on the bridge overlooking the river drinking and eating and camerawhoring. Then I went to college and met Phil and Simon and omg it was awesome. We played it and had races (lift vs. stairs. Stairs always win.) and they made me laugh my arse off, srsly.

Alice eventually came back so Simon met Clémont and I met Alice then we went our seperate ways and I realised something. I am finally actaully happy. Not happy with what I think is coming, and not happy with what is coming. But happy with NOW, the time it's most important to be happy with. So that, my darlings, is really fucking good.

Thanks to that realisation along with Simon and Phil (who are SUCH a cute couple by the way) made my day goooood. =D!

Day 3 of the week

2009-12-06T16:02:00.001-08:00

Today was similar to the one before but in a less so type way. Alice and I did the 2 hour ride which was really good -there weren't many people and it went really quickly. Alice liked the views which was very good. After, we had a big lunch before I did a bit of homework, Alice made Crème Brulée and then we went to town to pick up a lamp which Alice bought for her brother the day before. We then went straight to the pier where we met Simon, Ellie and Millie along with Simon and Ellie's exchange partners, both of whom Alice knew (they were Marine (?) and Clermont - they were both really nice.) We raved it up in the haunted house, acting scared for no reason, then went on the waltzers which were FUCKING AWESOME. Then because the haunted house was so shite we all got free goes on the dodgems!! It was amazing dude. We ignored the "plod around in a circle" rule and the guy running it didn't bother trying to correct us. Good times. Then Alice, Millie and I left and met Connor at the station with awesome timing because he was just coming out when we arrived. We all went home and sat around talking which was awesome but I was really worried that we were excluding Alice... I didn't know what to say to change it. We had a big dinner (Me, Millie, Connor, Alice, Pod, Mum and Dave) then played Rummikub til Millie had to go home. I thought that Connor's train was at 10 past 10 so I left to walk him there, after getting pissed off by my mum saying that Pod and me being out after dark was 'different' due to our genders. Ridicularse.

So we walked up Crocodile Walk, said bye to Millie, then went to the station. I got him in trouble because his train was actually a replacement bus and at 20 to 11. Shit.

However, spending that time with him was rather agreeable. Dave and Mum an dMillie like him, so it's going well. I'm glad. He just has the test of the father....not to mention anyone else. I swear, everyone is interested in meeting him XD

Well, I leave you for the night which was going to be early now.

Lovelovelove.

(don't we look like the biggest mugs you've ever seen?)

Day 2 of the week

2009-12-06T04:44:00.000-08:00

Day two of the week was one where I looked freakily skinny. I have lost weight. Not bad. But spoken about before.

So today Alice and I went to the stables and rode. I jumped 6th spread (4ft-- Woo!!) and she jumped smaller ^,^ She's a good rider, I just wouldn't let her jump that big.

We then went home and had some lunch in the Basketmaker's Arms with mum and Pod, which was good. Old fashioned steak and chips =)) Then Alice and I went to the Pavilion - where I've not been for a loong time - and afterwards wandered through the Laines a bit before meeting Connor, Charli and Zoe to see New Moon. The movie is crap but the day was awesome. Tee =))

Hello, beautifuls.

2009-12-04T14:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, has it not?

So here we are, happy as larry and with my face back online. What could be better? (Don't answer that.)

An update of what I want to update.

I have officially jumped 4 feet on Buzz! That's awesome because it is up to my collar bone.

I have had two good weekends in a row.

I had, relatively speaking, a weird week.

I have learnt some stuff and am teaching myself how to relax in a certain aspect.

I really like .. people.

I have great friends.

And...I don't feel guilty!

Well Jack and I broke up .. though that's a long story. Then I had a lovely gig on Saturday night. A week ago now, almost..aah. I might force Connor to meet Millie and co tomorrow, which would be fun XD

Alice, my exchange partner, is here and she's awesome. Srsly, she's similar to me (we both ride horses and prefer Jacob Black to Edward Cullen. Rock on.) ... so this week should be good. I hope that I'll do at least a week of 365 - just to document Alice's visit.

Today, after a "meh" day, I was let out of Spanish half an hour early so got my negatives of Millie from the drying cabinet before meeting Connor and lolling at Emma's PT training..she was aching :P

Connor and I then hung around for an hour talking (at one point talking to some girl called Opal. Omfg she's thick.) before he went to get the train and i went to meet Alice. They were half an hour late which was fail because I don't get on that well with anyone in French. I might try and make better friends with Luke, because he seems alright. Though apparently not for going out with - the things you find out talking to the men... Not that he's attractive. And too chavvy for me. But yano, still.

I took Alice home on the train and let her get the bus home from the station due to her bag and all. I found out that I lost weight from walking to the train station and the amount of exercise that I do - it's good...I tihnk.... Cause one of my favourite shirts is looser than it was when I bought it. Unfortunately the weight has also been lost in my basoomas - sad times.

When we got back, I showed her round the house and let her chill for a bit while I spoke to Con man and Kristina (who is having a phase of gootenness - which is running out, but still)... Then she played some piano (she is vair goot) while I did some photography (pah) and spoke to Kristina. then we got fish and chips and I offered her tea. (Lol. English.)

So that was good times. We then watched Forrest Gump (<3) though ="[

And now Alice has gone to bed (avoiding Pod - I wonder how long she can go without seeing him :P) and I am about to follow in her footsteps, but felt a blogging need so haven't yet.

However, having blogged, I'm off and I love you. byeeeee xxxx

Day 365

2009-10-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

The most delayed post ever made.

I didn't post (or, I admit, take the photo) on the day because I felt depressed for a couple of days because of college and a lack of people who i was raelly getting on with.

Now, however, things are startingn to come together. Alec and George have started being really really friendly; yesterday they came from their platform to mine at the station to talk to me which was genius. Alec gives good hugs.

Toby is ok and says hi as I pass but nothing more than that so it could be better.

Even though Kristina annoys me I'm glad she's there because she has a few cool friends (esp Chontyyy :P) and is easy to spend time with, even though I do want to kill her sometimes. Isabella is great though - I spend quite a bit of time randomly seeing her and whatnot. She's really nice.

Charli's crew are warming up to me, especially Lucy and Zoe who are loovely.

So lovelies, good luck and a fond farewell, for I doubt I'll blog here much more.

(L)

Day 364

2009-09-22T23:53:00.000-07:00

Today was ok. I went to Hamsey after my longest day and it was all jim and dandy and fine. Buzz has settled really well, though is showing signs of box-walking. On the good side, it's not crib biting, and you can simply get around it by tying him up. So lalala.

I then saw Jack and had dinner with him, which was good. I got stupidly tired about 10, so went home, but we spoke on the steps outside for ages so i didn't get to sleep til way too late. It was good, though. He's sweet. =)

Day 363

2009-09-21T13:05:00.001-07:00

New hair strikes back.

I moved Buzz to Hamsey =D

He was scared in the box because the door had banged behind him, so I stayed with him and fed him polos and hay from the floor cause we'd decided not to take any because it's only 10 minutes drive.

Ray was driving really slowly down Oxbottom Lane but it felt really fast; it was kinda scary because Buzz was so nervous.

I then went into photography smelling of horse and with hay in my bra, which was fun. Eng lit was cool too; Marky Mark is still lovely. He'll be tiring when in the wrong mood though.

Day 362

2009-09-21T12:57:00.001-07:00

AHMUNNAEETCHOO

Like my hair?

Actually had it done yesterday, but still.

I rode Bill back from the field today, he was really good. Then mine and jack's mothers met, which seemed ok. So yay.

I like Belinda I do.

Day 361

2009-09-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today I went to White Air, rode Buzz, and did a whole lot more besides. Lovely.

Day 360

2009-09-21T12:15:00.001-07:00

Oh my god - only five days left!

I think I' mgoing to extend it, though - so that i can include it in my photography work. So when [extention] days appear, that's why.

So, today.

I went to college then saw Jack v briefly, then went to see Dame Edna at the Brighton Centre. The stand up was genius, but there was a part with a choir which was crap.

I then saw Jack again; he stayed over.

PS: Ew @ photo.

Day 359

2009-09-17T10:22:00.000-07:00

I spent the morning with Jack and French with Charli, but Charli had maths and I had nothing. I went to the library and couldn't get on Facebook so couldn't do anything. I walked to the train station then into town then to pet's corner then back to college where I saw Kristina and I have never been happier to do so. Never.

I was so lonely. I wanted to cry in Spanish.

I wanna talk to someone.

I saw Sabrine on the train, on the way to the station. She went to Blatch. She's having the same trouble as me, but was saying how someone had told her that it could be hard at first. I see so few people alone; I find it hard to go up to a group outside of class.

There was a really nice girl, Miranda, in Spanish though. She was really nice and walked to the station with me.. lovely. She's popular though, which i find kinda daunting.

I'm going to fuck up my bag and not wear my rucksack, I feel too scared and daunted by other people when I do.

Day 358

2009-09-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

Due to back problems I had to wear a backpack to school which made me feel small lonely and insecure.

I want people I know better.

I'm scared.

Day 357

2009-09-17T10:18:00.001-07:00

First day of collegeee!

Everyone seemed very big.... but there's a really nice girl called Charli who let me spend time with her at lunch. She's cool, and is in 2 of my classes.

Day 356

2009-09-14T23:59:00.001-07:00

Turn your head sideways and tell me: is this a black and white photograph?

I think it works better but I'm really really not sure. I like the definition you can see on them esp in the colour. I know the focus isn't right - on the right (top) side of the picture it's out of focus where it really needs to be in focus, but so's life.

So, opinions please...I'm not sure.

Anyway, I got my timetable today and ran into Eleanor, Whatserface and Tron - E & W on the way to the station with Jack when we were messing around, and Tron on the way back from the station with my timetable. Cool times and whatnot.

Jack and I bought junk food and watched Shrek that afternoon. Cool times.

Day 355

2009-09-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

I spent today mostly with Alice; yesterday we rode and played wii and watched a kinda crappy movie and the inbetweeners, and today we watched the inbetweeners, ate breakfast and went riding. Buzz is too fat for his new girth.

It was good.

Day 354

2009-09-12T02:36:00.001-07:00

So far today I have:

rearranged my day 3 times

not ben able to see JCG =[

brushed my teeth twice

got my numnah

worn high shoes

seen bradly bricknell (!)

worn a bright orange top which says "bungy" on the back

Later today I will:

do gridwork with the Buzzsta

see Alice

finish brushing my teeth the second time

buy new shoes

find a bag

pack said bag

not sleep much

watch flash gordon and hairspray (<3)

Pose is what I did before jumping 61 metres to my not-so-demise.

Day 353

2009-09-12T01:57:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how near the end of this I really am.

I went to college for a lecture about the photography course today, and felt very lost and lonely. I wanted Jack. I really don't know anyone but Kristina. That's not brill.

It'll be alright though. I'm sure it will.

I saw Jack after getting back from Equine Warehouse to return the stuff I bought just a few days earlier, but not for long enough before leaving to go and see a thing about Lee Miller. She was such an amazing person...I admire her so much.

Day 352

2009-09-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

I Haven't Seen A Pupil In His Eyes For Fifteen Days.

I write this with something used to cool a wine bottle around my foot.

That is because Buzz managed to stand on my foot, on the joint of my big toe on my left foot. That happened just as I was about to turn him out for the night (and next day). At the same time, I saw my bus drive past, so thought "oh, there'll be another in half an hour". But I sat there waiting for the bus, on the phone to Kati, and it didn't come. I tried to walk to the bull inn but couldn't get very far on account of my foot being all owy, so i called my dad. He left right away so i spent 20 minutes back at mwd talking to Seona, Vic (groom) and Molly (groom friend) until i went back to the bus stop and met dad. I had been at the bus stop for at least an hour. I was collld.

But, I'm warm and my tack's coming soon.

Fwee =)

Day 351

2009-09-10T14:42:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the stables and saw Jack. Twas cool. There was a girl at the yard - new groom - called Emily who was cool.

Day 350

2009-09-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

I really can't believe how near to the end of this I am... There's only 16 days left. I started at such a random time. Most people start at their birthdays and say it's what they did while they were whatever age, but no. I include only one birthday and started basically because I couldn't be arsed to wait and Kati had.

It's weird how much I'm planning on changing myself and everything around me... repainting and reorganising my room, changing my hair - pretty much at least - changing college...new start, subconciously, because I've made no efforts mentally to change myself. What do you know, hey.

I had enrolment today and it was kinda boring. A girl who I met on my induction was there and I spent time talking to her, she's really nice. I also got roundings for my bit in the break between a lil test we did and the enrolment itself. Good times.

Day 349 - Monday

2009-09-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

I find this photo weird.

I went to Lewes, bought Buzz a blue numnah, running martingale and second pair of reins; decided to redesign my room and started by clearing out some clutter. I have a /lot/ of shit. I've decided to paint my room white, and probably move it around. I want to get rid of my blue shelves, get a new (old but new to me) rug, a new to me lamp and lampshade for the one on my main light, because it's a bit crap. I want to then personalise my walls with photos, tickets, certificates, and anything else I feel like sticking up. I won't take stuff down much, just cover it over eventually. I'll keep everything (except possibly the random crocheted horses on my wall which I don't really care for, tbh) but probably in different places. I'd like some bookshelves too, with old books and ones that I actually read; some classic things in old bound books because I love them so much.. I can't wait.

Enrolment tomorrow at 9:30 am, then I'm meeting Kristina briefly to go to Equestrian Warehouse before doing a mindset thing - I have no idea what that is.

I'm excited.

Buzz in 2 days =)

Day 348

2009-09-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

I went to the stables and rode Buzz. I used double reins and a schooling whip and he worked really well. He's pretty unfit but I'm sure that'll be sorted out soon enough!

Nana and Norman and Mum met him today, and I'm really glad that they did.

Day 347

2009-09-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm terrible at keeping up with these blog posts. I AM taking the photos, just not posting them.

I spent today with Kati in town. It was brillio fun and I am loving the Jack Wills den room. Teee =))

Day 346

2009-09-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

It really did take me a long time to work out that today is today not tomorrow. (i.e. I'm writing about Friday not Saturday.)

This might not make sense because I'm tired. It's 2:34 and I only just got in.

So today I went to London with the intention of going to see a photography exhibition. I went to Hove station and before I got there my iPod ran out of charge which didn't help my day At All. I got to the station and bought my ticket, then wasted the equivilant of a hot chocolate at Eat on a crappy sandwhich, which I didn't eat in the end.

I got to London at about 12 and met Dave, and had lunch. It was nice; we went to a classic pie and mash shop. Their menu was genius.."1 pie 1 mash; 2 pie 1 mash; 2 pie 2 mash..." etc. I tried jellied eels. They were horrible.

I walked with Dave back to his work and then went to the Tate, where I saw an exhibition on Futurism which I skimmed...shall we say (I went in three rooms; one was the first and two were on the way out.) I really wasn't in the right mood. I felt lonly. I wanted to write. So I rang Jack and he cheered me up for about 8 minutes (about the length of the conversation) then I went to the Tate and bought a notebook and pen, purely because I saw a sign saying that tate members had 10% off so justified the overpriced purchase to myself.

I then sat outside the tate and wrote; sat by the Thames and wrote; sat by the Thames and read the Horse Whisperer; then went to Eat and ordered a hot chocolate and read and wrote. Then I left, walked up the embankment, rang mum to see if she knew where a library was because i felt like going to one, then ordered another hot chocolate from eat, then sat and wrote a third person discription of myself, then read.

I went to mum's work some time around five, and she came out some time after five. I spent the time reading.

I felt lonly for a lot of the day.

I had a hole in my tights so mum bought me some new ones which i think are cool, they're red-purple. I had to ask the shop assistant if they went with my red converse, haha.

We ate really nice Thai food with Dave and Jim, during which I got very annoyed at some points becuase I was being ignored and so on. Blah.

The gig, Quantic Soul Orchestra, was really good. Really relaxed. Mum and I did some wicked dancing to Hit The Road Jack, and I ended up really wanting to see Jack. There was a really drunk bloke in front of us with his younger girlfriend who was playing him up soo much. She was very good at it. But he fell on me and that really freaked me out. So I moved away, just in time for mum to get "spoken" to by him; he kinda went 'ithink that's my girlfriendsblurrrrrr', or slurs to that affect. He practically fell on her.

When we left we got the train to Three Bridges and had to wait an hour because we couldn't get a taxi due to lack of money. There were two blokes on the same train as us who went to a nightclub in Crawley during that hour, which was funny 'cause we ended up giving one of them a beer and making friends with them. The one we gave a beer, Simon, was quite good looking, and had quite a dry humor. Matt, who had his own beer, was much more bouncy and lively. They had met on the train to three bridges and gone to a club together for no particular reason.

And lo, it was a good night.

Love you all, you beautiful people.

Day 345

2009-09-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

Just by the way, we didn't eat dinner in the pouring rain the night before, we just walked there in the pouring rain.

Today Jack went to BHASVIC and i read harry potter, then we spent some time together, and then I BOUGHT BUZZZ!!! <333

My horsey, as of 3/09/09.. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Day 344

2009-09-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Today was SUCH a good day!

I went round to Jack's kinda early (i think?)and just arsed around, then he took me out for dinner in the pouring rain and I was euphorically happy.

We got back and bathed to warm up a bit and relax, then tried to play monopoly with no dice and Scrabble with no scores. So that didn't go well. So we went to bed. And let's ignore the next lil bit.

Day 343

2009-09-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

Second day with mama. Spent it swimming, eating and visiting Petworth house. It was really nice =)

I also started wearing a side parting, and i quite like it.

Day 342

2009-09-03T13:27:00.003-07:00

today, I went to see the first polo match i ever have and visit a place i keep forgetting the name of which is near esebourne.

I went with my mum and it was incredibly enjoyable =)

Day 341

2009-09-03T13:27:00.001-07:00

KISS KISS

again, no idea.

Day 340

2009-09-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

I quite like this photo...judging by the shades and the surface, I was at Jack's. I'm sure it was fun.

Day 339

2009-09-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

Tee, I'm looking at you.

I have no idea what happened in this day. It's been a while.

Let's assume there's milk.

Day 338

2009-09-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

I saw my boy again =)

It was good; I missed him.

Jack, when you read this, please don't take the piss out of' my boy'

You are mine

Ehhehhehh.

(same to you Kati.)

(and Matt but that won't be for a while if eveR)

(L)

Day 337

2009-09-03T13:15:00.001-07:00

The day of the return.

Lalala.

Didn't want to but did at the same time.

Was less than heartbroken to be back.

Was almost chatted up on the boat but craftily avoided it by talking to my dad.

Just btw - I hate this photo.

Day 336

2009-09-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

BUNGY JUMPINGGG!!!!

It was awesome.

But i didn't like the rebound much, it took me a while to relax. Not that I was relaxed. But still.

PS:

I confess that this blatez wasn't taken on the day but i cba to upload my bungy photos. So, sorry. But ehh.

Day 335

2009-09-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

WE DROVE FOR SIX HOURS

Good times.

Day 334

2009-08-31T03:40:00.000-07:00

We visited Clermont Feron today with Frédérique and Matis. It's a nice place. F. took me into shops looking for shorts. Dad bought me a book in French and a reading of Fantastic Mr Fox also in French. The book's by Anne Fine, which I found amusing. I'm hoping it'll help me learn. Clermont is interesting; the cathedral's stone is black because of volcano.

Day 333

2009-08-31T03:37:00.001-07:00

We spent a lot of today in the car, because we were going to Orcet, which is close to where Frédérique lives. F. looked after me when I was about one. It was strange to see her again, she's very similar to how I remember her. Her son, Matisse, is pretty cute. Though he kept making eyes at me, which I craftily avoided until Pod distracted him with car towers and tickling.

Day 332

2009-08-31T03:33:00.000-07:00

Finally spoke to Jack today. He should start /doing/ something so that he isn;t just bored. Dad thinks he'll end up annoying me if he doesn't. I miss him, though. I try and distract myself, but at night I think of him a lot.

We played Minigolf which was vair amusing =). Futuroscope was really good - better than yesterday. Dynamic rides are aweseome fun!

Our chocolate died =[

Day 331

2009-08-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

Just got asked over to the site of a guy who's been looking me up ever since I arrived. It freaked me out so I said no, which is kinda a shame because his sister strikes me as awesome. Though being with a bunch of teens speaking French and not understanding it wouldn't be great.

Spent the day in Futuroscope, it was great. It's fucking hot here.

Day 330

2009-08-31T03:26:00.000-07:00

Spent day driving to Poutier. Kinda uninteresting, but I really love France.

Found photo amusing; when I looked in the mirror I thought shots of me would be similar to those of a rather typical famous person.

Day 329

2009-08-31T03:23:00.001-07:00

Just got back from going to the hypermarket with Dad. I got hit on and have no idea what the guy said, though dad thinks it was something along the lines of "bouncy bouncy?"

Day 328

2009-08-31T03:18:00.000-07:00

Today I spent, largely, sleeping. The ferry was last night so I slept for four hours then; two while Dad drove to Chatres (v. pretty French modern bits all blends with old bits, vair perty); then another hour in the carpark of Carrefour, a hypermarket. We bought food for dinner for two days then spent ages finding a place to eat, after finding out where the campsite is. I fell asleep at the table. After breakfast, we put up the tent and went out to get lunch, which we ate then I almost fell asleep again. No idea why I was so tired. The waiters weren't very nice. After lunch we went to the cathedral which was very pretty, and then back to the campsite, where I fell asleep and read my book.

Managed to forget adapter for the chargers I so cleverly remembered.

Day 327

2009-08-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Day before I go.

Like this photo; dislike the feelingses.

HELLO

2009-08-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

I'M BACK!!

And to celebrate, I have stolen a quiz from Kati's blog.

honestly, how mαny people hαve you ever hαd strong feelings for?
three. gah.

honestly, whαt color αre your underweαr?
Umm. Blue.

honestly, whαt's on your mind?
The answers to this quiz, primarily.

honestly, αre you jeαlous of someone right now?
no

honestly, whαt mαkes you hαppy most of the time?
Life

honestly, do you wαnt to see someone this very minute?
Wouldn't mind, shall we say

honestly, do you hαve deep secrets?
Yeah, but they're not very interesting.

honestly, αre you meαn?
I like to think I'm not

honestly, where did you copy αnd pαste this from?
Kati's blog

honestly, where would you rαther be right now?
In bed, probably

honestly, who wαs the lαst person thαt sent you αn im, whαt did it sαy?
Amy and "byebye :) xxxx"

honestly, hαve you gone out of your wαy to mαke α new friend?
I've no idea. Probably. Well possibly.

honestly, αre you desperαte?
No

honestly, who wαs lαst to sαy good night to you?
My dad..ish..

honestly, did you ever lie to someone you loved?
Yes

honestly, when wαs the lαst time you reαlly cried your heαrt out?
Friday

honestly, do you think its right to cheαt if your boy/girlfriend cheαted on you?.
No. It's an exclusive relationship, there'd be no "except..."

honestly, whαt mαkes you mαd?
People who turn their cars on so that they can use their air conditioning when they aren't going anywhere.

honestly, does being with your friends make you happy?
Yeah

honestly, do you believe in yourself?
Yeah

honestly, who cαn you go to for αnything?
Jack

honestly, hαve you hugged α girl this week?
No

honestly, hαve you hαd α kiss on the cheek this week?
Yeah. I have been in France after all.

p α r t t w o

hαve you ever wαlked in on αnyone mαking out?
Kinda.

ever been in α cαr wreck?
No

αre looks importαnt?
To an extent

do you hαve αny friends thαt you've known for ten yeαrs or more?
No - they're not friends any more

hαve you ever mαde α mistαke?
Well, yes, I am human.

whαt song do you wαnt plαyed αt your funerαl?
Let Your Love Flow - The Bellamy Brothers

whαt would your lαst meαl be before getting executed?
Steak frites

if you hαd to pick one person on earth to die, who?
Dunno. Really dunno.

hαir color you like on someone you're dαting?
Dark. I've only ever liked one and a half blond people, soo.

whαt do you do αs soon αs you wαlk in the house?
take a step

who is the person you cαn count on the most?
Jack

if you could dαte αny celebrity pαst or present, who would it be?
umm, probably Russell Brand.

whαt did you dreαm last night?
no idea

hαve you ever been in love?
yes

hαve you ever been αrrested?
no

p α r t t h r e e

do you believe in love αt first sight?
no

whαt αbout true love?
yes

would you kiss on the first dαte?
depends if i'm interested.

do you look for hook ups?
no

p α r t f o u r

whαt's bothering you right now?
nothing

would you shαre α drink with α strαnger?
doubtful. Depends how strange.

wαllpaper on your computer's desktop
me and jack, i think

next time you will hug someone?
tomorrow

where wαs your profile pic taken?
no idea. what is it?

whαt is the lαst thing you αte todαy?
toblerone

who wαs the lαst person to send you α text messαge?
my mum.

hαve you ever kissed αnyone nαmed jαke?
No. Ew.

whαt do you smell like?
cars and deodrant

hαve you hit someone todαy?
no, i don't make a habit of it.

do you believe in soul mαtes?
yeah

whαt is one thing you'd reαlly like to do right now?
type this. It's my life now.

whαt did you do last weekend?
Speak French and see people I've not seen for at least 10 years.

who do you miss?
Jack and my mum and Alice and Kati

whαt αre you going to do αfter this?
Sit here

I just.

2009-08-15T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sent an email to Seona.

Confirming my purchase of Buzz.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 326

2009-08-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

The boys came down today and Jack spent a lot of the day deciding times to leave, then not. It became dinner, then he ended up just staying over. It was good, I had missed seeing him for about a week.

Day 325

2009-08-15T23:46:00.001-07:00

Today was showtime. It went really well, especially Ryan's one; we had fabric and all sorts going wild. It ran smoothly and felt like it was real quick.

Jack then stayed over afterwards. It was very good to see him =)

Day 324

2009-08-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

I totally spent today on a buzz. That is to say going "ee". I rode James in the afternoon and he was lovely. Before that, we totally raved it up in Earwig. Awesomesauce.

Day 323

2009-08-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

I met Buzz today and OH MY GOD i want to buy him so much.

i have to talk to my mum first, but I really really want to.

I might have to move stables though...not least because I'd hate to see the look on Seona's face when she dropped Buzz at hamsey =/

Photo to follow because i'm lazy.

Day 322

2009-08-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

I don't like my face in this photo but my shoulders look less offensively wide, so there we go.

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO I SAW TODAY!!::

yes. BUSTER BROWN.
I now know his real name. o=!

So today.
musical theatre was first and that was genius because we did a song from We Will Rock You which is wicked. And the guy who was running the session was brill because he was so camp in a friendly and approachable kinda way, which is rare and good.
Second was something apparently uninteresting because i've forgotten what it was.
Then was break which amused me because everyone blocked Tim and me out of the circle so we sat behind them and said that we didn't like them, then spoke of Twittr internet and biscuits.
Then was..Ryan and makeup and I dressed as a weirdly convincing Elvis with gold glasses and a gold mic and all. We have a performance piece with him which is gunna be really really good from the sound of it =D
Lunch was relatively uninteresting. Spent it with Phoebe and Tim basically, wihchi was cool cause Phoebe's really nice
Then was Ben MW (hawhaw) with Shakespear which was good because he gave us the main elements from Macbeth and we in two groups came up with different interpertations of the things which was really interesting..
Then break, Tim and Phoebe again but with a succesful trip to the student shop and filling up some water.
Then Kate. Kate's brill and we have her for a performance too so it was great. We made an advert for selling kids which was funny; I was a couple with Phoebe and we sold our kid (then Phoebe was the kid who was sold which was a bit confusing). But yeah.
The opera afterwards was also really good even though my mum was tetchy with me being hungry and was trying to get me to take opera singing lessons.
It was the little mermaid without the air of disney.

Day 321

2009-08-10T23:48:00.000-07:00

Tee, 3..2..1..LIFT OFF.

It was the first day of Earwig today!

It was truly genius I say.

Tim and I spent ages in the dance session raving it up with Sam and a guy who looks twelve and fancies me (Rory).

The guys in that group - aside from Tron - are really odd.. yeah.

Good times dude.

I dislike this photograph.

Day 320

2009-08-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

In contrast to how this photo looks, I've been really happy all day. I woke up happy after going to bed happy being so pleased with my Hallelujah recording that I youtubed it and listened to it more than once. That's saying something.

I spent time with my dad today, and found it really nice. I've not just relaxed at home much recently. Or it feels so.

I like home.

It's a good place to be.

Day 319

2009-08-08T03:43:00.001-07:00

So far today I've been on a bikeride and realised I'm getting fitter/better at cycling/combinations thereof.

I'm about to contact Jack and find out what he wants to do, but even though he says not to I still get nervous of waking him up.

This evening I spent an amazing time singing and making a video in which I sang Hallelukah. I'm actually pleased with it! Teeeeee.

Day 318

2009-08-08T00:42:00.001-07:00

Saw Kati, went to Lush, bought something to help with headaches and mood swings (i hope). Sang on the beach and enjoyed it.

Ate steak pie and instant mash which I didn't mind.

Got a reply from Oli about a mail I sent him.

Ehh.

Day 317 / I should be asleep.

2009-08-06T13:57:00.001-07:00

An eventful day.

The morning was what I do on most days; saw Jack and drank milk and ate a ham sandwich cut into triangles (^,^) and looked for Kati's top and got Jack's pocketwatch back.

I decided to cycle to riding. I got very close to all the way before passing too close and too fast to another biker (thus my fault and I get that) before coming off. I pushed my bike to Hamsey slightly shakily and these guys beeped and gestured to see if I was OK. Then they pulled over, opposite Hamsey, in the bus stop, as I found out when I saw them. (dur). One, the driver, asked for my number. I didn't hear what he said exactly, something about how he'd take me out and (following is what I've basically made up) make me feel better. Lulz.

james was good in the lesson but it was horrible to tack up James. I washed off my elbow (coming off I had made my elbow bleed and given myself some gorgeous bruises on my right knee. Wonderfully enough the small one on my left knee is close to hurting more because it's right on the joint.) and tacked up the lovely beast, looking at another which Marc was grooming and Ray later tried to sell to me, then went and found Sue who was very nice and bandaged up my elbow (put a sticky plaster on it then cut off the end of another so that it was long enough. Which makes sense only to me but whatever).

I then fed round using Robyn and whoever I rode with as tools. The girl who helped feed came off when Paddington swerved nastily (as Ray pointed out, he did a Goulash o=), but was fine. The other girl in the lesson was good; bulshy. Needs confidence. Doesn't give the chance for the horse to take the piss. Good start.

I went to the co-op and hurt a lot.

I got home and hurt a lot.

I didn't eat much.

I went to bed and got depressed again. I keep cutting myself off when I'm not happy; I go offline from everything and cocoon myself in words; this time Dido's and Tracey Chapman's (Fast Car and Don't Leave Home, mainly).

Day 316

2009-08-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I spent today with Fi and we cycled to Devil's Dyke and back. It was good, very good.

We watched Harry Potter 4 when we got back. It was bad, very bad.

Day 315

2009-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

I cannot remember anything from today except that I spent the evening talking to Kati and Jack.

Day 314

2009-08-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

Left earlyish, after spending most of babysitting money on lunch.

Rocking.

Tried to sleep on the train but it didn't go well, so I ended up just leaning on Jack and reading my book.

When back, I slept through Indiana Jones 4 and Jack gave me many many hugs.

I love him.

Day 313

2009-08-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

Woke up early and Jack, Roxy, the boys and I went to an urban farm. It was really nice; the animals were very healthy and happy seeming.

The boys went down when we got back and Rox, Mark, Jack and I sat around talking.

or soemthing; I don't completely remember.

In the afternoon, Jack and I went to Greenwich and lay around in the park like thing, me taking photos and Jack not doing a lot. We walked quite a way back, got the bus for a few stops, then it stopped, so we walked further back. At one point we were crossing a road and a motorbike overtook someone waiting for us to cross which really scared me because I didn't think it was going to stop and if it hadn't then it would've hit me. It really did scare me.

Jack and i babysat in the evening, which basically meant that we had R&M's house to ourselves. We being the ravers that we are, we watched the Lion King (it was the first time I'd seen it o=) and ate marshmallows. Yum.

Day 312

2009-08-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

I can't remember much about today; Jack and I went to London and it was k00l.

Boys = v cute.

Day 311

2009-08-01T00:39:00.001-07:00

I love my new shirt. Bought when with Fi, worn today, looooved today. Rocking.

As ever, I spent the day with Jack and had a good time; we were v much raving it up. Ish.

I left early and made brownies, which will be eaten tomorrow for desert because they're nicer the day after they're made. The mixture was nice, I must say =P.

Then spoke to Alice and Jack.

Then Rachael, Ed (her boyfriend) and Beccy came round bringing Dave (R&B's father (lol)). Rachael's alright, and Ed reminds me of Victor which is weird because they are /completely/ different. It's just the smile and way he makes eye contact mostly..I mgiht actually be making it up about Victor, but it still reminds me of him xP

Then I spoke to Jack and went to bed. It was wild.

To gay pride or not to gay pride tomorrow?

Hmm.

PS: please ignore my face in this photo.

Day 310 : Newsless

2009-07-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today I felt really smug because I had a cookie in the bath.

I jumped James and absolutely loved it. He's amazing, truly. One bad thing about having a horse: no James.

On the good side:

BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ

and suffolk and jack and alice and LOVEOFLOVEOFLIFE

Smile at everyone you see tomorrow; it could just make their day. <3

Day 310 : News

2009-07-30T06:02:00.000-07:00

As you know, I e-mailed seona last night about horses.

She said she had one for sale.

It's Buzz!!

I MIGHT BE BUYING BUZZZZZZZ!!!

I go see him on the 12th of August. I am so excited.

If it was anyone but Buzz I'd be kinda "meh", having loved Willis so much...but...because it's Buzz and I loved him a LOT...eeeee!

Shutting up.

Lovelovelvoe.

Day 309

2009-07-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

The glasses Loona wears!

...Me!

^Oasis (Y)

Today was pretty genius.

I spent the morning with Jack and didn't feel that great, shall we say, but he cheered me up by doing Swedish accents and Finnish songs. It was good times xD

I then met Fi and we hung around a bit. I found a lumberjack shirt I like!! and bought a 98p white strap top in primark because it was 98p. It's too big, but that's irrelevant. We then didn't know what to do after that so wondered around, and I saw Victor who I gave respect to as we passed on escalators (how cool is that ;P), with Jack Valeri. Fi and I then ate outside Debenhams and went to the lanes and wandered around. We then went back to Borders and looked at children's books and picture books - there was an amazing one of Beauty and the Beast (I now want to watch the Disney version). Fi's truley obsessed with Draco Malfoy. And Ron. And general Harry Potter...it's ridicularse. We went to HMV and saw Mr Gordon playing games with his son, then left Churchill Sq and saw Laura and Jess which was amusing - they're cool. THEN just as I left I ran into Mike and the famous Hugh, who I think I scared slightly. Or something. Strange. They are weirdly tall. Weird.

I'm now e-mailing Seona for advise on horses. Because the one sired by Unbelievable Darco is slightly unrealistic.

Day 308

2009-07-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

Weird ass day.

Spent it with Jack mainly, playing Wii for parts.

Then broke up with Kati (we were growing apart for ages. We're not going to stop talking, just stop being as close - or trying to be.) and that feels really weird.

After that and Kati leaving I felt down and not many people were helping.

(not many = none)

So there we go really.

Wasn't that lovely?

Day 307

2009-07-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

It rained all morning so I rode out on Sophie on possibly the fastest five mile ride ever - we did it in less than 45 minutes because neither of us were much enjoying the rain.

I didn't turn the horses out onto the common because I thought that I'd long rein Lily, because it's amusing, but it was pointless because I couldn't be arsed. I just sat in the kitchen pining for a cup of tea for about ten minutes and a slice of toast, then turned them out. My chapps were wet.

We left at 11:10 and arrived at 14:something. We had lunch v sharpish after that - bacon tortillas (with various sauces. Tomato pesto and mayo was my favourite combination) - then I went to Jack's and spoke to his mum for ages, until (i thought) Jack and I would be late for dinner. Becky, Dave's daughter, was there, and making a k-nex guitar with Pod.

Shit happened then I went to bed and didn't sleep for long enough - by way of a change.